Wednesday, 27 April 2016

RELATIONSHIP: Dealing With Unmet Expectations

I drafted this post last night, but realized I didn't save it until this morning. It hurt. *bite lip* I had to start writing all over again. It wasn't easy mehn! (Thanks to your awesome comments which motivate me).

In relationships, you must always remember that people have their own emotions, behaviours, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are humans and cannot fulfil all your needs.

Managing Expectations



I was talking to a few friends about their expectations and I opened my mouth. I thought I was vain but my friends are "badder" than me. Lol.

These expectations are usually what we tend to call "relationship goals". You do have some, don't you?

Yes. 

Let’s be real. We all have expectations to some level and it is very normal.

Every relationship involves expectations, whether it’s at “Home,” at “Church,” at “Work,” or even in the neighbourhood. We all want something from them.

In friendship, you have expectations of you partner and your partner has expectations of you. In marriage, you (will) have expectations of your spouse and your spouse (will) has expectations of you. In parenting, you (will) have expectations of your children and your children (will) have expectations of you.

It's a gigantic web of expectations. 

However, how we manage these expectations will largely determine the character and quality of our relationships. Which, in turn, dictates the direction and quality of our lives.

Express Your Expectations

Someone researched that 80 % of our expectations are assumed – never really expressed.

Consider for a moment one of your relationships. How many expectations have you actually expressed and discussed? You see – most are assumed.

* * * * 
A little personal story: A friend asked me to help out with an assignment. So I did. I wrote a review and gave a few suggestions. When I saw him a week after, he refused to talk to me. I pressed harder for him to tell me what the problem was. Guess what he said? "I expected you to have typed it and emailed it to me". I was shocked. I had no idea that was what he expected of me.
* * * *

You can’t complain about unmet expectations when you have refused to express them.

Ask Questions

If your expectations are not being met, it’s important to ask "why". I believe it is better to ask questions than make costly assumptions.

Before you start to feel negative about the person or the relationship, it’s a good time to ask yourself if you have ever communicated your expectations or whether you’ve just assumed they should know.

Let Go Of Expectations

Throw expectations and assumptions out the door. It is easy to let go of expectations once we accept responsibility to meet our needs by ourselves, to take them to God in prayer, and are in a relationship not for what we can get but for who we can be.

Learn to accept people for who they are. 

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So sweetie, let go of your expectations. When you do, you give the other person freedom to express themselves and freedom to love you even better.

Letting go is hard, but definitely worth it.

I’m still working myself, but the few times I have struggled managed to let go have been truly liberating. My most favourite phrase in relationship is now "moving on". I be like; Oh dear, it's OK. Let's just forget about it and move on.

Let go and see how your relationship and life changes. The state of your heart matters most. You cannot control other people, or force them to be what you want them to be but at least you can make yourself happy. :)

With one simple tip, you can live life filled with positivity, inspiration and love.

Isn't that what we want afterall?


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