RELATIONSHIP: How Do You Know a Christian Brother is Serious About You?

Lol. Let me be very honest. There is no way to know these days; you literally need God. That was my immediate response to a mentee who asked how to know if a Christian brother is serious about her. As I thought about it a bit more, I realized that writing this article could help many more who are navigating the complexities of Christian relationships. 

I live for this kind of conversation. I mean, I wrote a whole book on how I got into some of these situations too. 

Is He Serious About You?

🦋

The struggle is reealllll. It’s tough out here. Figuring out if a Christian brother is genuinely serious about you can feel like navigating a maze. In a world filled with imposters, charmers, and those who are just passing time, how can you tell who’s serious about walking this journey of life with you?

First of all, I want to say congratulations on reaching this point where you start to consider whether this brother is really worth staying with. You are very blessed and mature enough to recognize that this is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make in life. 

Now, let’s get to how you can discern if a Christian brother is genuinely serious about you:

1. He Prioritizes Prayer and Spiritual Growth

A serious Christian brother will consistently prioritize prayer, not just for himself but for the relationship. If he regularly seeks God’s guidance for both his life and your relationship, it’s a strong indication of his commitment. His desire for spiritual growth will reflect in how he supports and encourages you on your journey too. Regular prayer together and spiritual discussions reflect his commitment to building a faith-based relationship.

You should also pray harder on your own; ask God to reveal his true intentions. Seek confirmation from Him. Remember, the Holy Spirit can give you insights that are beyond what the eyes can see and the heart can feel.

2. He Values Your Principles and Boundaries

He is NOT after sex. Yes, let me put it out plainly. The one who is serious respects your body, boundaries and values. He will be attentive to your convictions and will seek to align his actions with your shared beliefs. His respect for your values will be evident in how he interacts with you.

Watch his actions, not just his words. Consistency is key. A serious Christian brother doesn’t just talk the talk—he walks the walk. If his values are more about personal pleasure or worldly pursuits while yours are about serving God, you’re bound to clash. Be with someone who values his relationship with God even more than you do. 

Exposing The Love Bombing Strategy in Manipulative Relationships

Someone I really admire recently got married to a man who is publicly considered to be a narcissist, and I started to feel concerned. I got a little invested in the news and started to do some research. Then, I found the term “love bombing”. It struck a chord in me. I have once been there. . .

Love Bombing

Have you ever found yourself swept off your feet by someone who showers you with overwhelming attention and affection right at the start of a relationship? It can feel exhilarating, like a dream come true. But what if this intense adoration isn't as genuine as it seems? This tactic, known as love bombing, is a manipulative strategy where someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection to control you.

The Temptation and Danger of Love Bombing

Love bombing can be incredibly flattering at first. Imagine being bombarded with texts, calls, gifts, and praise—it's like a dream. It feels great. However, this flood of affection can mask darker intentions.

If someone is love-bombing you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad person, or that they should be considered an enemy. In fact, they’re likely to be just dealing with trauma themselves.

Love bombers often use this tactic to gain control, particularly in abusive relationships. The abuser might shower you with love after a fight to manipulate you into staying. This cycle of abuse, apology, and grand gestures can be confusing and damaging. 

Recognizing the Signs

So, how do you know if you're being love bombed? Here are some signs:

Use Love Languages at Work to Build Healthier Relationships (AUDIO)

Everyone needs to feel appreciated to know they’re contributing valuable work and ideas. But effectively demonstrating appreciation often requires more than saying “Good job.” 

I recorded this presentation I made while with Mediacraft Associates for personal use until I couldn’t resist the pressing urge to publish it for the world to hear. 

 Please listen below 👇🏾 

 

I must admit that many things triggered sharing it publicly: 

1. Just last week, the tragic news about a banker who committed suicide within the bank’s premises went viral. There are many more employees who have committed suicide that we do not know about. It’s on Vanguard, Punch, Cable, everywhere you look. The world is in dire need of LOVE. 

2. My current phone might be formatted soon, and I fear that I might lose this file forever. Not a valid reason, actually.

3. Two of my colleagues made reference to a presentation I made some time ago, and I believe it was quite insightful.

4. Above all, the two most important personalities in my life—my husband and the Holy Spirit— have given me their go-ahead.

Want to feel God’s love? Listen to this. 

Please share the link and leave your thoughts in the comment. Thank you.

Stay positive.

Stay inspired.

Stay be-YOU-tiful.

Posted by Nwamaka Onyekachi

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Heart Rays. . . giving light.

50+ Ways To Treat Yourself With Love

Hi! Valentine is over, isn’t it? How are you feeling today? I mean, how are YOU really feeling? Are you being kind to yourself? Have you compared yourself to someone else today? Are you going on and about the past? I honestly want to know.

As Christians, we have definitely read the commandment,“Love Your Neighbour As Yourself.” Yeah? Great. Today’s article emphasizes‘As Yourself’ because how can you love your neighbour as yourself when you don’t even know how to treat yourself with love?

How To Practise Self-Care Using the 5 Love Languages

Yep. It’s post Valentine’s Day, let’s treat ourselves to top-notch self-care by diving into the five love languages and how you can practice them on yourself.

The concept was originally created by Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, based on his experience facilitating marriage counselling. Essentially what he found out was that couples expressed love in different ways, and if they weren’t clear on how the other person liked to receive love, chances are there was a disconnect in the relationship.

I completely agree with Gary.

Everyone gives and receives love differently. And I’m not just talking about relationships…I’m talking about loving yourself, too! Your love language can also translate into a self care love language and can guide which activities will be most rewarding for you.

Wait.

How To Rekindle Romance After Having A Baby

On Heart Rays, we don’t do boring relationships. Having a fun-filled and enjoyable marriage is a MAJOR goal. If you are not intentional, you may get swept up in the intensity and demands of new parenthood that you forget about being a couple. Rekindling romance after having a baby is not a popular topic but it is very common. 

Let’s talk. 

Romance After Baby

In the beginning, it was just me and Kachi. We do anything we want and go anywhere we want. We were spontaneous and adventurous. (See our honeymoon adventures here). I could step out for 24 hours without holding a bag. Kachi and I could stay up all night talking, watching movies and building on our intimacy. 

We had some pillars of a great relationship: good communication, trust, physical affection, a good sex life, emotional support, shared interests, mutual respect in the relationship, and time spent together having fun.

Then a baby happened! (Meet our beautiful baby here 😊 ) 

As we started to find our parenting groove, we realized that our intimacy was starting to shake a bit. Thank God for the Spirit of discernment! 

Below are some tips on how to bring the passion back post-baby, straight from the heart: 

Igbo and Yoruba: Truth About Inter-Tribal Marriage in Nigeria

I will be doing myself a disservice if I do not post the first few episodes of the MACH Show on Heart Rays. I am not going to lie; since the lockdown, 75% of the time I get to be online is spent on PerfectMachForeverTV. I am so thrilled about the vision and I am doing all I can to steer this fragile birthing phase. I hope you understand.

Can you marry from another tribe? In the third episode of the MACH SHOW, we are exposing the realities of an intertribal marriage in Nigeria. Grab some popcorn because. . . hmm!

When I'm not here, I am on YouTube. I go where the Spirit leads.

SUBSCRIBE To PerfectMachForever TV 

Have a great day.

Stay inspired.

Stay positive.

Stay safe.

Posted by Nwamaka Onyekachi

Connect on Twitter: @Amakamedia

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Heart Rays . . . giving light

Nikki Laoye's Failed Marriage Broke My Heart

Welcome to a New Week Sweethearts! I'm sorry that I have to start the week with this. I have been so restless in my spirit since I heard about her divorce.

Christian Failed Marriages

In 2015, I blogged about Nikki Laoye. I shared how much I adore her love story. The fact that she and her ex husband (jeez! Ex hus-what?? That doesn't even sound OK to me) married as virgins was a source of comfort, sort of encouragement to me. At that time, I was a Christian single walking in purpose with a resolve to keep myself for marriage.

This Is How You Break Free From A Narcissistic Relationship

Break up hurts. Rejection on any level is torturing, no matter how you slice it. But getting over a relationship with a Narcissist is a much different kettle of fish.

Breaking Up With A Narcissist 

I have come across the term "narcissism" a couple of times but I have never had any cause to use it. It didn't sound interesting to me. The word only started to make much sense at that point of being brutally honest with myself about a past relationship. For a long time, I lived in the lies that I told myself and it delayed my healing process.

It's been said that "your greatest struggle is your greatest blessing". And relationships are my greatest struggles. 

I've had my share of toxic relationships, or at least what I thought was toxic. Is it fair to say you have too? My guess is that we’ve all endured the company of people who were not shooting for our highest good.

Finding True Love After A Terrible Heartbreak

First things first. If you want to fall in love after a hard and depressing breakup, you’re going to first have to come to terms with it. That means you need to fully accept the breakup, no matter how much you miss this person. 

Happy New Month Sweetheart! I just had to put that first paragraph out there. Hope you are doing great this lovely Sunday?

Finding Love Again

This is meant to be a style post but as I continued to write, I found myself gravitating towards helping a friend who recently broke up with her fiancé. It was a huge shock.

There is nothing I'd say to you right now that will make you magically forget your ex, but there are practical things you MUST do if you ever want to fall in love with another person again. Here’s a short list of things that you must do:

1. Stop stalking Your Ex
2. Avoid reminiscing on old times
3. Find a new hobby
4. Dedicate yourself to work
5. Spend more time with God
6. Trust that you are deserving of true love

Let's shed a little light on three points out of those six:

Marriage Is Still Not The Goal

Hi sweetheart. Welcome to a brand new day. Hope you are doing great! I will be hitting the big 3 and 0 in few days. And since the beginning of June, I have been sharing 20 lessons from my 20-somethings.

This is the ninth lesson. I hope it inspires you in some way. Happy reading!

Married At 28

At 23, I wanted to be married.

If only I knew my mind had a lot of revamping to do. I needed a consciousness shift.

I was unwinding. Unfolding. Creating. Recreating. Breaking. Opening. Breaking up. Breaking free. Breaking through. It’s a truly wonderful season to be in.

An Open Letter To The Guy Whose Heart I Broke

Is it OK to say 'Good Morning'? Cos I am writing this article at 11:00AM. So yeah, I will be hitting the big three-0 in a few days. And like I told you last week, I will be sharing lessons from my 20s just before my journey into 30s starts.

This is the eighth lesson. I hope it inspires you in some way. Happy reading!

Letter To My Ex

Dear Ex,

I know what it means to be heart broken.

It's like a knife piercing into your heart so slowly.

It's been years since I broke your heart and I still remember how much I felt bad for rejecting you.

I wanted to want you but I couldn't.
Trust me when I say that it was nothing you did. 'It's not you, it's me', so cliche, yet truer words have never been spoken.

I felt guilty every time you called. I felt like a fraud when we were hanging out together. I hated myself for leading you on.

I knew I wasn't ready for the relationship you were asking for. I had many mistakes to make and the experiences that didn't require a committed relationship. I'm sorry.

Heartbreaks Never Last Forever

Hello again! My name is Amaka and I will be 3 and 0 on June 26. I decided to share my lessons from being a 20-something just before my journey into 30s begins.

This post is the seventh of twenty. I hope it inspires you in some way. Happy reading!

Heartbreak Empowers You

My biggest struggle in my 20s wasn't having an extra year at school. No. My greatest weakness was boys, boys and boys!

I was a sucker for love.

I wanted to love and be truly loved.

But I wasn't lucky in love.

I was recovering from one heartbreak after another.

Six Pointers To Choosing Your Perfect Match

Some months ago, I found this article on a WhatsApp group that I do not exactly enjoy being a part of. (Lol. If given the choice, I'd delete the group).

Anyway, according to the poster, this article was originally written by Reverend Ebenezer Diyaolu. I believe it would be helpful to my single/married friends, so I copied it for you.

6 Mates You Must Marry 

One of the ways your marriage will not add to the rate of divorce in our world today is for you to marry your mate and if you are married already, make your spouse your perfect match! 

You see that statement of ' Am I your mate?' does not apply in marriage. You must marry your mate. I will like to talk on six dimensions you and the person you want to marry or you have married must be mate.

Dear Diary, My Husband Left Me

Throughout your dating, engaged, and married life, you're bound to hit some bumps on the road. Hopefully, they'll make you stronger. Or, in my case, they'll make you stay awake.

Missing Him

Some weeks ago, I was alone. All by myself. At home. In the room. On the bed. I've never felt more lonely.

"I miss my husband!"

Sometimes loneliness creeps up on you in your marriage and before you know it, you start to feel empty, sad, bored, depressed and isolated.

Dear singles,

Marriage does not cure loneliness. 

DIARY: The Way He Looks At Me

From birth to death and all occasions in between, the eyes will always have it. Eye contact is the strongest form of nonverbal communication, and if your partner constantly does it with you! Oh, my!

Keep Looking, Baby

I've had my share of failed relationships and I believe I'm in a better place now. A place where I can recognize genuine love and intention when I see it. It's in the eyes.

Generally speaking, we are all naturally attracted to faces, especially eyes. The human face is associated with our identity; we are recognized more through our eyes than through any other facial feature. That's why your passport photograph in an identity card is enough proof for the person(s) concerned.

When you meet someone for the first time and you fall in love with them or like them instantly, what do you attribute that likeness to? It's the face! You are actually attracted by the person's face, especially the eyes. The eye is where the attraction begins.

You can't seem to take your eyes off the one you love.

Relationships That Don't Lead To Marriage Become Lessons

Is it painful to end a relationship? Yes, of course. It’s never easy to break up with someone, especially with the one you have grown quite close to and pictured the future with. But I’m convinced it is even much less painful than spending the rest of your life being miserable in a marriage.

He Was Your Life-Lessons

Image By: Ogamars Creatives

I dated many cute guys. Some of them in my mind and most of them in real life.

They were not all bad guys. In fact, most of them had many good qualities. We genuinely cared about each other and had fun together. But in each relationship, there were things that didn’t feel quite right.

In some relationships, I found myself compromising some of my values to match with that guy’s. In other relationships, I began to think that some of the things I had wanted in a husband were perhaps more wishful thinking than things that could actually be.

Do nice, sensitive, funny, godly men still exist? I would ask myself.

Dear Diary, I've Got Something To Tell You

I’m staring at this blank page and thinking: This is one of the most important things you’ll ever write. Be brave, Amaka. Steady. Clear. Shameless. Gentle. True.

There Is Someone Now

I will pretend it’s just the two of us here in the kitchen. I’m making us toast bread. I pass a tray to you and ask you to come sit down on the bed with me. You follow me into my room, we sit down and I am looking at you. I can see that you’re nervous because you’ve figured out I’m about to tell you something important. So I quickly say: I'm fine. Everybody is fine. All is well. We are all okay.

We are. And yet.

Then you look at me with your eyes wide open, not knowing what to ask. Your expression does not tell me whether you are confused or surprised. You are quiet and look quite interested in what I am about to tell you . So I slowly say: I met someone.

How To Love Your "Enemies"

A good old friend asked me, "is there anybody in your life right now whom you are not in good terms with?", "Nobody" I responded unconvincingly. Then my friend asked again, "are you sure there is n-o-b-o-d-y? How about your colleague, the one you told me about?". "Erm.  .  ." 

Then it dawned on me that I was erring. 

Loving Your Enemies

In this part of the world where I come from, we generally think that "enemies" are our "village people". People who totally mean harm and only wish the worst for us. Lol. Funny but not funny.

On today's article “your enemy” doesn’t just mean the enemy in your village, of course. We’re not talking about witches and wizards or the monitoring spirits (kidding!) . . . we’re talking about real people. So

Why Do People Have Pre-wedding Photo Shoot?

Hi sweeties. It's Love-Wednesday! This is the topic that landed on my fingers today. Yeah, pre-wedding photo shoot 🙈

Pre-wedding shoot is a photo shoot that usually takes place three to six months prior to the wedding day. Do you think they are neccessary?

Pre-Wedding Pictures Ideas

I posted the above picture on my Whatsapp status with the caption "pre-wedding shoot". Oh my God, the reaction was unbelievable.

The congratulatory message almost got me teary. It is amazing to know that my friends and family would love to see me getting married. Lol.

What an expensive joke. Jeez.

Sis Floxy

He Needs Your Love Now, Even If You've Never Met Him (Pray For Your Future Husband)

You don’t become a praying wife and/or mother overnight.

Pray For Your Future Husband

I often pray for my future husband. But sometimes it can be hard to pray for someone you’ve never even met before! So what are you supposed to pray? How can you pray deeper, more meaningful, and powerful prayers for your future man?

When I got this book 'Prayer For Your Future Husband' written by my darling sister and friend, Frances (who is now known as Hephzibah), I immediately knew I was going to take up the challenge. But it lingered.

I finally did it. Fully.

This prayer challenge is near and dear to my heart, and has taught me a lot. I’m thrilled to share it with you! I hope that this will encourage you to pray for your future spouse, or the man that God has already blessed you with.