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RELATIONSHIP: Why You Are Always Jealous

Most times my relationship posts are inspired by my most current emotions and dealings. I write them at the heat of the moment, when it is still burning in my heart. This is no exception.

Love Is Not Jealous 

I am of the opinion that being jealous about your relationship with somebody is a good thing. However, being jealous of somebody's success is a bad thing. That said, the focus of this article is on the former.

Most people feel a little jealous sometimes, especially when they have strong feelings of attraction (likeness) and love for their partner, and a little jealousy occasionally can add zest to a relationship. But just as a spark can illuminate a room, a blaze can burn it to the ground. So we have to be VERY careful.

What's behind jealousy?

For me, at the root of jealousy lies fear of loss. Fear breeds feelings of insecurity.

When fear lessens, so does jealousy. More than feelings of fear, jealousy also leads to a smorgasbord of other emotions such as anger, hate of love 'rivals', disgust (sometimes self-disgust), and hopelessness.

So what makes a person jealous?

Of course, our reasons vary. It could be your partner is continually with other people, then jealousy might be totally justified. And perhaps the whole relationship needs to be re-evaluated.

It could also be that you have suffered from a severe heartbreak in the past, and as a result, you have become overly protective and somewhat possessive.

I have a friend. A good one. I've considered ending our friendship to escape my jealousy each time I discover he's been talking to another girl, but I really like him and the thought of losing our friendship makes me feel even worse! (I know when he reads this, he'd feel fly. Lol. But I have to say it anyway. I can't help being honest with you). After much thought, I realized that the problem isn't about him, but about ME. I am unnecessarily driving him and myself crazy.

Do you find yourself excessively jealous of your partner? The problem isn't always about them, it is about YOU. I want to help you if you feel unduly jealous (when there is no real or proper evidence that your partner is in any way "cheating" on you).

So How do we stop driving our partners and ourselves crazy?

Oh, let me say this first: Jealousy is NOT love. You are not jealous because you love this person. You are jealous because you do not TRUST them.

I remember the last issue I had with my friend, he actually took time to EXPLAIN why he was talking to the other girl. Who does that? And guess what, even after he tried to calm my fears with his reasonable explanation, the jealousy was still there, and I overacted. I regretted my actions afterwards

Even though I stated earlier that being jealous of your relationship is a good thing, it can unmask an UGLY thing about us - our immaturity. It shows that we are fearful, self-serving, and is at its core, simply a reflection of our own insecurity. It reflects a lack of self-confidence and is counter-productive to developing a mature, loving, relationship that will stand the test of time.


It is a PROCESS.

It starts with learning to truly TRUST that God has a higher purpose for you. Get into his WORD, learn to connect with Him in PRAYER all throughout the day, and when you hear his voice, LISTEN and OBEY.

I prayed about my overbearing jealousy. I knew it wasn't of God, so I had to ask God to help me. He is working on me. Amen. 

You can surround yourself with others who share your values. Join a small group for study, fellowship and support.

The key is to bolster your relationship with God. He will guide you to be more confident and secure, more mature, less fearful and not as self-absorbed.

It is crucial for the success and happiness of our relationships (be it on a platonic or romantic level) to love and trust one another. Nobody wants to be around a hyper-sensitive, overly emotional and unduly jealous person.

Love Is Not Jealous 

I told my friend "If I don't like you, I wouldn't be jealous". I was living a lie. Jealousy should have no place in your relationship. The truth is in the Bible. 
“Jealousy is more dangerous and cruel than anger.” ~ Proverbs 27:4 
"Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things.” ~ James 3:6
Jealousy makes you do things that you regret later and brings no good and no joy to you, your partner, or your family. Many murder stories we hear on the news today has been committed because of jealousy. Jealousy creates drama and chaos and robs you and your partner of a peaceful existence together. Jealousy leaves a path of pain and devastation whenever it gains a foothold in people’s lives.

If you are plagued with a jealous and envious heart, it is important to realize that you are afflicted with a form of separation from God. Trusting God leaves no room for suspicion and jealousy.

Just in case you missed these:

We are striving towards living life filled with positivity, inspiration and love. Remember? Cheers!


Hey! You don't have to agree with me. Do you consider jealousy as a sign of attraction? How do you express your jealousy? Share your thoughts in the comment box below. Thanks. :)

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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