Wednesday, 26 October 2016

RELATIONSHIP: Every Woman Should Take A Deliberate Fast From Men

Sometimes it’s hard to discover your true purpose and identity when you are always attached or involved with someone else. Can you take a break?

30-Day Man Fast


First of all, don't get it twisted. This is not saying men are evil or distractions. This is also not a “Girl, you don’t need a man, be an Independent woman” type of post. I am not telling you to leave the man in your life if you are in a God-ordained, loving relationship.

However, this is a very personal one for me. Most of my posts are generally personal anyway, because I am either writing out of experience, through a biblical discovery or from deep thoughts in my heart.

This was laid on my heart a couple of months ago. But I have not FULLY obeyed. Something tells me I don't feel accountable because I have not shared it with you yet. So this is me telling you what I would be doing for a month (which might extend to the end of the year as the Spirit leads):

I AM TAKING A MAN FAST

Men are my weakness. They are my biggest distraction. I tend to be an emotional wreck over any type of relationship that never works, which in turn leaves me questioning whether I have a problem. I go from being confident and focused to feeling depressed, lonely and unloved

I was at the beginning of a new relationship when I realized I had hit a low point already. I unknowingly desperately needed something different than what I had experienced, and I knew only God could fix me.

I spend time talking to God about "my unfortunate relationships", expressly pouring my heart content to Him. I was honest and totally desperate for Him to make me whole. 
At a point, I was dealing with rejection issues, because it seemed like somehow in all my relationships I was either rejected or taken for granted at the end of the day. This is probably not completely accurate, but that’s how I felt when things didn’t work out. I’m like: "God why is Your presence not helping me through this. Why do I keep going around this redundant mountain of dysfunctional relationships?"

God is so loving, I tell you. He heard me and told me things I never knew about myself and my journey. Among all the things He whispered, He asked that I go off the relationship radar for a month.

"A month. Sure!"

It sounded so easy but every time I tried to do this fast, it ended up after two weeks.

Within two weeks of no man - just me and God, I'd feel so high-spirited and whole, because God would show me just how complete His love is, and all I needed to do was trust in His love. He would tell me how beautiful He has made me and how gifted I am. That's when I boldly declare "I'm Single And Free!", "I'm Complete In Christ!" etc

Then, while basking in the half-baked euphoria of my new sense of identity, purpose and freedom, I would go back again or meet someone new. There was always a Jerry, a Mr. Man or a boy coming around. This went on and on and on.

"Oh no. Why can't I stay without talking to a man for just a month? Just a month!"

I have become too tired of my weakness and can no longer continue this way.

This fast is to learn how to place God above everything else . . . man, especially.

So by writing to myself, I hope it speaks to you too.

Related Post: 3-Day Social Media Fast


Why You Should Take A Fast

You already have an idea about why I need this fast. How about you?

What if this fast is the only way to draw closer to God, and to hear more clearly from Him. Would you not do it?

What if this fast is to teach you how to totally surrender yourself to God and allow him to heal the parts of your life that are broken. Would you not do it?

What if this fast is the way to GROW into maturity in your relationship with God. Would you not do it?

What if this fast is the only thing you have to do to make all your dreams come true. Would you not do it?

I definitely would!

How To Take A Fast

After doing it my own way and failing over and over, with God's help I came up with these guidelines:

Guideline 1:
STOP all communication with any man who you presumed to be a love interest or who has the characteristics you desire. Stay clear of any man you’re dating/talking to that’s leading nowhere, especially if you know God has given you signs (see RED FLAGS) that this person is not for you and you have no peace about the relationship.

Guideline 2:
DO NOT engage or entertain any man who is trying to be friends with you, flirt with you, or take you out on a date. Even if a friend tries to match you up with a guy, stay away.

Beware.Of.This.Season.

If you are a beautiful woman (which I know you are), men will always come. You must stay aware!

This is the weakest area for me because they always come. Remember when I cried out "Devil, leave me alone!" the other day? Lol. Yeah. That was exactly what happened!

It is not something to brag about but God is my witness, EVERY TIME I decide to take on a “man fast”, a man would just show face. At first I thought it was cute, but then it dawned on me that it was no coincidence, that even the devil knows about the season I’m totally dedicated to God. I have come to understand that this fast is indeed something VERY crucial for me to do in order to fulfil my God-given dreams and purpose.

Guideline 3:
DO NOT give in into the temptation to take  another cute guy's phone number or give out yours with the thought that you will start talking with them after the fast. Don't, even if he says it's strictly business. 

This is important because every time you choose to reject advances from men, you are obeying God. Each rejection is an act of faith. And you know that faith without good works is dead. Right?

Guideline 4:
When you see a Mr. Man coming, RUN as fast as you can!!! The Bible says "Flee!". Don't give him a chance. To be honest, I always see them coming but . . . Phew!

If you want to be polite, tell them that you are not into dating for now. Take this fast seriously. It's a delicate season. 

So I beg you, if you are going to do this, stay committed.

Wait, Are You Saying I Should Not Talk To Any Man?

No. That's not what I mean. Of course, we can't do without talking to men. However, be VERY aware of the men you are talking to within this period. They are to be restricted to:
  1. Friends: Men who are already platonic friends. No new friends.
  2. Colleagues: If it is essential for your job, of course. BUT avoid contact with male co-workers who try to make advances at you, or colleagues you feel some sort of likeness for.
  3. Relatives: Sure, you can talk to your father, brother, uncle, cousins. ONLY blood related.
  4. Church Members: Let every discussion be about God, church activities/meetings and nothing more!
  5. No crush: I say again, no crush. The devil is so tricky ehn. This is when that bros you have been crushing on will now come and say "hello beautiful". Run!

You might actually think I'm proud to say men are my weakness. No. As a matter of fact, I am so ashamed of this post. *covers face* But since I have silently tried to take on a "man fast" and failed woefully, I thought sharing this post would make me accountable to FULLY OBEY GOD on this matter.

The energy and time I’m consistently squandering away in the pursuit of love and attention are distracting me way too much from what God plans to do in my life this season. I really need this break . . . to break away from the pattern . . . to sustain focus . . . I need it!


Are you sick and tired of failing in your relationships? Are you always relationship hopping and constantly trying to fill voids? Do you spend your nights on meaningless and purposeless dates with boys who bore you or have nothing to offer? Are you sick of having guys take up so much of my mental space and time? Take a fast.

God says: Focus on me for 30 days and see what I will do. (Your fast might be longer or shorter tho)

Sweetie, I want to encourage you to take on a man fast too. This fast is especially important, because you are showing God that you are willing to sacrifice your desires for His purpose in your life.

The man that's for you will always be yours. Why not obey God first.

Now that handsome potential husband material who I recently gave my number mistakenly and has been calling me for days . . . Biko, Sorry, I hope you understand why I have been avoiding your calls now. Huh? *covers face* It is hard . . .

But He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in your weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Therefore, from now on, let no man give me any more trouble, because the number of heartbreaks, rejection and pain I have experienced show that I can only be satisfied with Jesus. (Galatians 6:17)

Guys, give me a break . . . !


* * * * *

P.S It's been fun having Love-Wednesdays so far. No more discussions on romantic/love relationships til further notice unless of course, we are talking about our relationship with God, friends and family.

P.S.S Don't forget fasting and prayer goes together: No man = more prayer + more Bible study = Growth

Let's discuss:
Ladies,
Would you ever go on a man fast? Have you ever gone on a man fast? What can make you quit on men?

Guys,
What do you think about women fasting on you? Lol. Can you take a woman fast too? What can make you quit on women?



Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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