Wednesday, 30 March 2016

RELATIONSHIP: 6 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

I was a bit reluctant to talk about relationship today. I copied. Then again, when I think that somebody might be in dire need of a word, I get inspired to write. 

Red Flags 


Relationships and love can be difficult. It is very natural to look to sources of knowledge to assist in giving us the easiest and fastest way out.

Some online relationship advice can be exceptionally detrimental, if not outright destructive to the most important aspect of our relationship . . . LOVE.

The Holy Spirit (some people refer to Him as Intuition) is real. And we all have Him. Let's learn to depend on Him for the best relationship advice ever. 

Red flags to look out for in your relationship (before you enter a ditch without knowing) may include the following . . . 

1. “I love God. I’m just not a church person. 

This thought is very hard for me to even process in my mind. If you are a Christian you have to marry a Christian. . . full stop. I don’t know how to put that any other way.  

I once ignorantly dated a Muslim, so I am bold to say that being in a relationship with a person that is not of the same faith will ultimately lead to frustration and often to a failed marriage. 

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15:
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  What accord has Christ with Belial?  Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?” 

If we are not to marry an unbeliever, then we should not even consider dating one either. That will be playing with fire as the heart can be easily bent and emotionally attached to someone. The major reason why we are not to marry an unbeliever is because they can lead us away from following after God and fulfilling our purpose. 


2. “If you love me, you will do it. 

This is the counter opposite of a real meaning of love. This can lead down to many different paths including money matters. This statement is clearly a red flag in the relationship because love is not trying to seek out what is best for me but a better definition of love is to seek the best of the other person. When we truly love someone, we'd seek nothing in return and only want what is the best for the person. 

Money is not love. Sex is not love. We should not get it twisted. 

3. “Since we will eventually be getting married, we can have sex.” 

This is another red flag in a Christian relationship. God created sex for husbands and wives to enjoy and also as a way to procreate.  However, the world has tried to turn sex into a dirty word and a dirty part of a relationship. God created sex and wants us to enjoy it but He also knows the only way we can fully enjoy sex is within the bounds of marriage. He has placed rules on sex and tells us to only have sex after marriage.  

This is very hard for people today as it seems “outdated” to not have sex with someone that you believe you will be with for the rest of your life but this giving in to this temptation is not in line with God’s design for life before marriage.  

The Bible says in Hebrews 13:4,
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” 

It's clear enough. Sweets, please don’t think that you can handle this in your relationship and disregard the word of God. Erm, you may have already given in and had sex with your partner and you may be asking, “what should I do about it?” Well, we obviously cannot change the past but we can decide to live right and pure from here on until we get married. 

We cannot change the past but at least, we can change the future. Live right today.

4. “I am not normally like this.” 

When someone you are dating becomes easily angered, has an addiction, or lacks personal self-control they might have a problem that they are trying to hide from you.

Keep in mind that I am not trying to say that there are perfect people out there (yours truly isn't perfect) but rather what I am trying to say is that your “gut reaction” towards something will often be the right reaction. If the person that you are dating is easily angered it may be a characteristic that will only blossom (in a negative way) the longer that you are together. This can include physical abuse or emotional abuse to you.

How long would they be abnormal? Don't tolerate rubbish in the name of love.


5. “I am not ready to meet your friends yet.” 

This is another red flag that can go on for many months and even years. When your partner does not want to get to know the people that you are closest to in life (your friends and maybe family) that is clearly not a good sign. They definitely have something to hide!

I think it is also great to get to know their family and friends too as we are often very much like the people that we know the best. If you meet his/her friends and don’t like them for whatever reasons you may want to take a good look at the person you are dating.

The saying, "show me your friend and I will tell you who yo are" still holds true. 

6. "Don't tell your friends about me yet"

This is one red flag that appeared in black and white to me. I fell into this rap. Till date, my friend do not know him (my ex). If there seems to be a good explanation that you need to take very seriously, it's OK. But be wise. 

Is it me or is it not a good thing to tell your friends about the person you are dating? You know we as Christians can pretend so well. We are very good at projecting a good self-image about ourselves and don’t want others to know the real “you.”

When they tell you to keep the relationship a secret, something not nice has happened, or is about to happen. They probably have a dirty history with one of your friends or they just want to waste your time.

May God help us. Amen. 

It's been a while I dated. What other red flags are in town now? Please share.


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