Wednesday, 12 October 2016

What You Should Look Out For In Your Relationship

Hiya! It's Love-Wednesday! One of the most essential needs of our heart is to love and be loved. Since we are wired for relationships, one would think it is easy to choose partners. But the truth is, some of us repeatedly choose the wrong people. 

No More Wrong Relationships


Someone recently asked me whether I was ready for marriage, I am yet to answer that question.

Even though that question still lingers, one thing I am certain of is: 

NO MORE WRONG RELATIONSHIP FOR ME.

I have been in a number of relationships - some so casual that I knew nothing serious was coming out of it, and some so deep that I had thought would lead to marriage . . . but didn't work out.

I have become very passionate about relationship eversince I realized how it affects EVERYTHING else going on around us. It either inspires and encourages us to go forward or diminishes and pushes us to step back/get stuck.

What I find interesting about being in a relationship is that it provides us with the opportunity for personal growth, if we allow it. Each relationship I encounter comes with lessons to learn and what I need to evolve.

And you must always desire to evolve. 

Until you do, you will continue to face the same issues with each relationship moving forward. If we can think of each relationship as an opportunity to examine where we get stuck or triggered and aim to work on those parts of ourselves, then we put ourselves in a better position to choose healthy, whole relationships. 


Why People Get Into The Wrong Relationship

Frances Okoro, my dearest friend and sister who I hold in high esteem shared a thought on TWTW's WhatsApp Chat:

"As I exercised yesterday, my thoughts rolled over to relationship deals. I started stewing on the reason why many young people get into wrong relationships today.I mean, the number of people who stay in relationships that aren't good for them is alarming. . .

It is either the person they are with is a totally wrong fit or s/he is an unbeliever or s/he is a believer who cannot get you to your place in destiny (where you need to be). 
And in thinking about this, I thought back to myself. Years back before God saved me . . . and even after He saved me. 
I became born again in 2011 but that same 2011 I got involved again with another guy where I had sexual relations with him. I left that relationship and got into another 'almost relationship' where again, less than pure stuff happened. 
I entered into 2012 heart broken with my eyes open to the fact that I couldn't do things the way I was doing and expect different results. 
The guys I accepted then thought nothing of premarital sex even though they wore the Christian tag. 
I was newly born again and even though i didnt want to sin against God, my roots weren't stable enough to resist temptation.
So what did i do?
January 2012 . . . I became filled with the Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues. And while people were making resolutions,  I made mine too. 
I told God I won't go into another relationship without Him giving me approval to do so. 
Infact I told Him that i didnt want a boyfriend for that year, that I wanted to just be alone with Him and get to know Him better. 
I threw myself into God. I loved Him and still love Him with everything in me. He became enough for me.
I didn't need a man to fill my empty spaces. God filled me up. 
I could stay alone for hours at a time and not feel the need to call up my ex because i was lonely. Oh I would fellowship for hours with God . . . laugh,gist and just basically enjoy Him. 
And in those years and till now, God started showing me where I had gone wrong in relationships before. 
I didn't have a right understanding of my identity in Jesus. 
And so when anyone came then, I rushed in with the person with no regard for the destiny God had ordained for me and how it could be affected by the decision of a spouse.
I also found out too that I didn't even know God's purpose for my life then. What was i doing trying to figure out life with someone else when I hadn't even figured out my own life yet?  
God saved me and I am sooo grateful." 

Thank you for sharing, Frances. (Want to read more from Frances? Visit her spirit-lifting and life-changing blog - Imperfectly Perfect Lives.)


If you really read that, you'd have found some why's. The first thing to do before entering into a relationship (or improving one, for that matter) is to TAKE A DEEP LOOK AT YOURSELF.

Have you discovered yourself yet?
Is your identity found in something else other than Christ?
Do you know the purpose of your life?
Have you learnt to enjoy being alone all by yourself?
Do you feel complete as a person?
Are you ready (spiritually, mentally and physically) to let someone into your life?

The reason why you accept relationships that are wrong for you is because you still don't know who you are in Christ.

When you know WHO YOU ARE, you'd not accept every Tom, Dick and Harry. We either choose based on our perception of self and identity or we don't.

READ: 5 Red Flags Never To Be Ignored


What To Look Out For

No matter how you see it, people will interest, influence, impact and inspire you, one way or another.

You will need to know why some people come into your life. You see, some want you to be a friend. Some want you to be a confidante. Some want you to be a “Ladder” to their future. You will need to determine why you should have some relationships. That will be something to think about . .   and pray about too. 

Last Week, I attended the RCCG National Youth Convention themed 'Vessels Unto Honour' at the Redemption Camp. I was so blessed with the teachings from all the guest ministers, but one of them stood out for me - Pst. Paul Emenche. That man is super loaded with wisdom and anointing! My jotter is so full! He said something that I would never forget. And you know I can't withhold anything from you, right? Let me share 3 powerful words with you: 
  1. "When you go home, do a relationship audit. Is your relationship facilitating your distinction or enhancing your destruction? No relationship is neutral. S/he is either adding/multiplying or deducting/dividing your grace.
  2. Your partner should possess nothing less than 75% of the character and grace you carry or the ones you desire.
  3. You can't afford to lose more time by engaging in the wrong relationship. Grow out of it, or else you'd be stagnated and frustrated."
He used Jonathan and David as a case study, and believe me it was eye-opening.

Let's just say it, the pressure is real. We’re bombarded with pictures on social media that make us feel we are not moving forward in life. We are pushed with the belief that we have to find a life partner before we are “too old,” which depending on where you live, could be anywhere between ages 21-35. It is this pressure that leads many to settle for partners they know in the long run are wrong for them.

May God help us choose the right partners in Jesus name o!

Sweetie, remember, this is your life (the next 50 years and more, your future, your unborn children, your dreams, your purpose) we are talking about. BE WISE.

OK, I think I've have said enough.


What are your current relationship goals? What did you learn from your first real relationship?


Posted by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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