Wednesday, 17 February 2016

RELATIONSHIP: Rock Your "Singlehood" Before You Get Married

In case you're wondering why I should be talking about being single on a love-relationship Wednesday, may I let you know that being single is a relationship too. Yelx. Listen. 

Rock Your Singlehood


Please, don’t start looking at me as a hypocrite that is going back and forth between being in a relationship with someone and being single altogether. It's not because Jerry left. Please . . .

I'm no expert but I am generally passionate about love and relationships. It could be a relationship;

with oneself e.g Self-love, Fall In Love With Your life etc
with a partner e.g Make Your Relationship Work, 5 Signs Of A Healthy Relationship, etc
with God e.g I Met God series, How To Hear God, etc
with people e.g Giving Compliments, Receiving compliments, 9 Things Not To Expect From People, etc

And all these relationships are built on one thing, and one thing only - LOVE. Bearing in mind that love is one of the tenets on which I live (and my blog is centered upon), can I talk now? OK. Thanks. :)

As a twenty-something Jesus-loving, Bible-reading, tongue-speaking and church attending female, I am aware that I have already failed to meet the expectations of the older generation and that of my peers by not being married yet, and, to be quite honest with you, it's a lot of pressure.
They make it seem like singlehood is a sort of disease or attack from enemies in the village. (The church doesn't even help matters. Aimoye deliverance ati anointing lori oro yi). I have written 'how to enjoy being single when all your friends are getting married' to help those who are going through this pressure too. 
Life is in seasons.

There is a time to meet someone new, and a time to lose an old friend.
There is a time to fall in love with someone, and a time to get heart broken.
There is a time to be single, and a time to get married.
There is time for everything under the heaven. (Eccl. 3:1)

I have come to realize that God may just be happy for me being single just yet. The season of singlehood will be over soon and if I miss it now, I will never regain it.

Singlehood is a once in a lifetime season.

It is a season of preparation, growth and development.

Rocking singlehood is getting to know yourself and loving every bit of your discovery.

Rocking singlehood is developing an awesone relationship between you and God.

Rocking singlehood is being wholly complete and totally independent.

Rocking singlehood is focusing on finding your life's purpose and fulfilling that purpose.

Rocking singlehood is embracing the opportunities that comes your way to become a better person.

Rocking singlehood is praying to God at midnight instead of talking and wasting your time on the phone.

Rocking singlehood is getting you prepared for the next phase of your life.

Rocking singlehood is growing into maturity - mental, emotional, financial, spiritual as well as physical.

I've been single for a while now and I have built (or should I say I'm building)  an amazing relationship with myself. I'm thrilled by this very Amaka. Sounds cheesy, but I'm crushing on me. Oh yes, I am.

Rocking singlehood makes me aware of the things I had always overlooked when I'm with someone. Singlehood is eye-opening - you see yourself for you who you truly are.

I obviously can't tell you everything. You have to work out yourself for yourself. You have to learn to rock it your own way.

Anyways, here are some of my tips.
  • I focus on the quality of my breath, learning to breathe gently – and experiencing deep changes to my body and well-being. I find a sense of calmness and stillness everytime I do this. 
  • I take note of my inner anxiety, which is often triggered by feeling overwhelmed with my crazy expectations and not being able to meet up. 
  • I try to gain a deeper understanding around my childhood hurts and weaknesses – where I didn’t feel important or worthwhile. When the tension between my parents was intense and it affected how I felt about myself
  • I observe how I am reacting responding to other people based on insecurity. I didn't really used to feel good enough; I judged myself and thought others were judging me. 
  • I take on the emotions of others around me. For example, I would go into sadness when with someone else who was feeling sad, or I would feel sorry for others. Still working on that. 

The above may sound quite simple, but for me it has been most profound.

I had been too needy and demanding. There is no pressure on another person to be something for me anymore.

Looking back, I believe my inner change has been huuuuuge!

In developing a relationship with myself, I have learned to look inward and have found an exquisite sweetness inside, and I know this sweetness is who I am.

I can truly say that I thoroughly enjoy my own company. Having a relationship with myself and being a single is bliss!

If someone new comes along, that'll be great. He is going to join the party I have already started with myself in God.

Let's enjoy our “singlehood”. It’s not a disease. It is not a sin. Don’t go with the norms of popular culture. 

Rock your singlehood till you love yourself and know what you deserve. Rock it till you can no longer settle for less. Rock it till all your self-doubts have disappeared because you have taken your time and have been through the fire and back. Rock it till you can take care of yourself all by yourself. Rock it till you can look yourself in the mirror and smile. Rock it till you can look at the other person you will finally meet and not just say, “Alright, lemme manage this one.” But, “I am so happy I am have somebody to walk through this beautiful life together.”

Rock singlehood till you have had enough knowledge of what God wants you to be - purpose, ministry, career -  and probably needs someone to walk with you as you become.

Please note this,

Our ultimate identity is not as single or married. No dating status defines us. No person can complete us. No human relationship defines us. No matter what our marital status is, if we've put our hope in Jesus Christ, we're God's sweethearts. We're the apple of his eye. He delights to call all of us his: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1b; italics added).

Singlehood does not stop you from stepping into your future. Singlehood does not stop you from fulfilling your God-given purpose. Don't put your life on hold because you are not yet married. Live!

The secret to enjoying a relationship with someone is to first love being with yourself alone . . . and with God.

What's stopping you from enjoying this very season of your life? Are you rocking it? 


Posted by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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