Few mornings ago as I sat down and reflected on my struggles with sin, I wrote this on my private diary.
Say What You Do
I'm probably the biggest hypocrite who blogs. I act very religious and talk about loving God with all my heart, but I end up doing things that I'd be embarrassed to even admit.
I know I shouldn't do it, but I did.
I am now a mystery to myself. I don't even understand how I think. I am baffled by my own experience. I am driven by motives and urges I don't even understand, let alone control.
Why am I so apt to do the opposite of what I know I should do? Why am I so quick to lie? Why don't I love my neighbour right? Why am I so prone to wandering off the path the Lord has set before me?
I’m a Christian, and I’m a hypocrite.
I want to change.
I need a change.
God loves me, I know. But He hates what I am doing. And the reason He hates what I'm doing is because He knows just how much I am hurting myself by living this double life.
I want to stop hurting myself.
I want to stop.
Lord, help me . . .
Lord, help me . . .
* * * *
Have I been perfect? No. Do I struggle? Yes. Have I fallen? Many times. But His love never let me go.
Don't feel condemned. The truth is, your struggle against sin is a huge clue that the Spirit of God is working in your life.
"If I had a mind to brag a little, I could probably do it without looking ridiculous, and I’d still be speaking plain truth all the way. But I’ll spare you. I don’t want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you’d encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk."
~ Apostle Paul
(2 Corinthians 12:6, MSG)
(2 Corinthians 12:6, MSG)
Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.
