Wednesday, 31 May 2017

RELATIONSHIP: When He Chooses Another Woman Over You

I’ve witnessed many situations where the “main chick” becomes the “side chick” and have experienced a half of one.

When He Chooses Her Over You


I am not psychic and cannot look into your individual situation. But what I can do is try to shed some light for you so that you can understand.

It won't be too long before it dawns on you that some men don't know what they want or need. And you can’t know what a man needs or wants when he has you yet chooses someone else over you.

Instead of worrying yourself silly and driving yourself crazy about the awkward situation, the best thing for you to do would be to MOVE ON.

That's the hard part: moving on.

I'm starting to dislike that phrase. Lol. 

I didn't know how hard it is to move on until "my friend" got a girlfriend without letting me know. I saw the signs but I kept on asking questions and giving him many chances to tell the truth. He never did.

They say the truth hurts. But, something hurts more: A lie thrown at your face.

You feel foolish.

You feel unworthy.

You feel rejected.

You want to fight back.

“Why did he choose her over me?” You ask yourself many times over.

Then you start thinking about proving to him why he should have chosen you instead. Forget it. It's not worth it.

Wait a minute, what were you even going to do? I know right.

You go on social media and stalk her. You want to know about her, what she looks like. You want to try to understand what makes a man choose one woman over another. When you see her, you are smarter than her, look better than her, and you feel you are obviously the best choice.

Then you start to ask more questions:

What does he see is her?
Why did he choose her?
What does she have that I don’t have?
Is something wrong with me?


See, the mere fact that he considered another person over you is enough to pick yourself up, adjust what's necessary and move on.

The first thing you must do is to get into the maturity of the man. For example, if the guy is only dating and not looking to be serious then he is always going to hop around from woman to woman and there is no reason trying to wreck your heart to figure out why he is choosing another woman over you. That's obviously his pattern. There is always going to be another woman for him to choose because that is how he is. The issue is him and NOT YOU.

Related: There Was A Boy . . .

The second thing you must do is to RUN back to God. See things through God's eyes. What if he was trying to save your life from a wreck? What if God had seen the end from the beginning (as He always does). A man's rejection could be God's promotion. Trust that.

It really doesn't matter why he chose her. All that matters is that he is no longer your problem.

Don’t waste valuable time trying to figure it out. It will just make you jealous and sad. You might end up doing stupid things (that you would regret later)

Here's what I did: I copied the other girl's number from his phone and saved it for an "in case something goes wrong" situation. When something eventually went wrong and our friendship went sour, I checked out her pictures and called her to confirm my suspicions. Stupid! The issue escalated and I hadn't felt stupider after that.

Sweetie, if he chose you over some girl. I am writing for you. It's just sad that I have to go through certain things before I understand them or even think of sharing on the blog.

Related: When He Says Be Patient Me

Here are few suggestions:
  • He is not thinking about you. Don’t fool yourself and waste your time thinking that he is.
  • Don’t diminish yourself by playing second to a man that did not choose you as his number one. Thank God and consider it a blessing. When He moves something out of your way. it’s usually to make way for something better!
  • Don’t trick yourself into thinking that you can change his mind. He has made his choice, allow him to stick with his decision. Begging and pleading for explanations just makes you look desperate. And desperation looks ugly.
  • Know your worth! You are valuable, just because someone else does not appreciate that does not change that.
  • You will never be able to move forward with your life if you continue to live in the past. Rehashing and reviewing this situation over and over again is just a waste of time.
  • Dry your tears and move forward. You never know what is waiting for you around the corner.
Go out and get outside. Do some of your favourite activities that you’ve been neglecting lately, or didn’t’ get a chance to do in the relationship. Start going out to see your friends again out in public at the park, or the mall, or the church.

Get closer to God!

Cheers to greater love!

Ever been dumped or dumped somebody else? Your advice, please. 


Posted by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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