Monday, 4 January 2016

Relaxed Hair Vs Natural Hair; Who Am I?

No. I've not come to start an argument on this controversial topic about which is better (relaxed or natural?). We're all human, we have different tastes and different personalities. I am here for something much better . . . to help you find "you".

Journey of Self-Discovery


Lemme start by saying that I love relaxed and natural hair. I think all hair is beautiful. I think there is no such thing as good hair or bad hair because everybody is unique and everybody has got a personal style.

Yeah, I have worn both shoes. I have lived both worlds. I have discovered what it feels to have one and not have the other. Through it all, I am not my hair. I am me!

Now the question is, Who am I?

This question brings me to a discovery. A discovery I want you to discover for yourself too.

Self Identity
Many of us struggle with our identity. We don't know our self. And even if we do, we are not sure about what we know. I already told you '4 Things I know about you'. These are the things that money can't buy. These are the basic truths about every human being. Therein lies your real identity.

Self Concept
Generally, we all have a concept of self. Whether that concept of self is positive or negative is based upon our perceptions of self. The perception is the foundation of our identity. However, the problem is that the perception of self is often distorted. Self concept is the idea that you have about the kind of person you are. A mental picture of who you are.

Who do you see in the mirror?

Self Definition
Some people define themselves based upon circumstances and relationship status. Others define themselves by the church they attend, the car they drive, or the designers they wear. These are meaningless definitions based on external factors.

How do you define your self?

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary: Self definition is the evaluation by oneself of one's worth as an individual in distinction from one's interpersonal or social roles.

Uh-oh. That definition is quite complex.

I like how Cambridge Dictionary puts it: Self definition is the set of someone's ​characteristics, such as ​personality and ​ability, that are not ​physical and make that ​person different from other ​people.

Aha! That's it. Nice. Very nice. Emphasis on "not physical". When something is not physical, it is spiritual. Self definition is a spiritual something-something. In other words, you should define your self the way God sees you.

Pause here to think.

Who did God make you to be?

Who are you?

Are you missing?

How long have you been gone?

Some people don't even know they have gone missing. They have lost perception of self. Their identity is based upon circumstances and achievements. I hear them say things like:
"I'm Gloria's mother."
"I'm Ugo's wife."
"I'm a doctor."
"I am a pastor." 
"I am a naturalists."
"I manage a company."
Blah blah blah. Faulty perceptions. Identity based on external factors is not a stable one. It changes. E no dey hold water!

Anything that is external cannot satisfy what is internal. The physical cannot define the spiritual. It is meant to be the other way round.


I could be on #TeamNaturalHair now. Then decide to relax my hair tomorrow. I can even decide to shave it all off. Would doing anything to my hair affect who I am? Of course not!

My hair has nothing to do with who I am.

This is an opportunity to talk to the women:
Dear woman, what makes you beautiful isn't what you wear or how you look. It is the beauty that radiates from within. Your heart is what makes you beautiful. (I intentionally leave the men out on this one because they are not as vain as we are). With so much hype about makeup and fashion these days, there is a high tendency of losing or forgetting who you are.
You are not your hair.
You are not your makeup.
You are not your shoes.
You are not your clothes.
You are not your phone.
You are not your degree.
You are not your weight.
You are not your relationship.
You are not your money.
You are not . . . your physical attributes.

There is a challenge to see ourselves as God sees us. To discover who we are made to be. This is the very essence of self-discovery.

It is seeing your self apart from all other relationships, possessions and responsibilities. The "you" is the you that exists even if you are nobody's parent, child, employer or employee, pastor, spouse, boo, friend, and so on. If you truly want to discover your self-identity, you need to see "you" as you are.

There are thousand of definitions available today. Be careful and choose to define yourself in alignment with God's concept of who you are.


Through each hair journey, what God thinks of me has not changed. It doesn't matter whether I am on natural, red-dyed, relaxed or low cut hair. My value doesn't change. My identity is untampered with. It is spiritual.

You find yourself in God. Go to Him.

God doesn't belittle you, criticize you, or reject you when you ask Him to reveal who you are, why He made you, and what He desires you to become. He wants to show you who you really are. You are rare, original and special. There is nobody in the world like you.

When you get a glimpse of who God has designed you to be. You will scream!

I am not even close to being the "real me" yet. Been scratching the surface since. I'm still digging deep into "me". Each day, I discover something new.

To be candid, aligning my self concept with God's word has not been an easy process. It is a big struggle. It is painful yet intriguing. When you have long acquired a wrong concept of self or an identity that does not match up with who God designed you to be, your journey will be a struggle too.

You may have a lot of unlearning to do.
You may have a lot of changes to make in your thinking.
You may have a lot more relearning to do.

This is what you should seek to know.
Seek to discover what God knows about you.
Be eager to see what God sees in you.

Ask yourself, "Who am I?"

This is a very critical question. It determines everything about you and your future. It influences your choices and decisions. It sums up your life.

Search deep within to find answers to this question. The journey of self-discovery is one of the most exciting, rewarding and life-changing journeys you can ever take. It is in the process of discovery that you find purpose. When you truly know who you are, life comes to focus.

Don't be afraid to know the real "you".
Strive to understand who you are, why you do the things you do, and why you think the way you think. Self-discovery is an ongoing process. It takes time. But through it all, the beautiful "you" shines in a way it never has before!

Keep digging. Keep exploring. Keep learning. Keep believing. Keep loving.

At this point, I'd like to say "thank you" for being a part of my 2015. Blogging has been a journey of self-discovery. I enjoy and appreciate the beauty of each moment we share. You help me grow tremendously. Like seriously. THANK YOU SWEETHEARTS OF MY BLOGOSPHERE.

Let's dig more deeply in 2016.
It's the first Monday of the year. Happy new week!
Have a fab one!

I am light. iShine. 
        (Mathew 5:14-16)


Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
Follow on Twitter: @Amakamedia
Follow on Instagram: @amakamedia
Email: amakamedia@yahoo.com
Bloglovin: Amakamedia

Heart Rays . . .giving out  the light.
Blogger Widget