Wednesday, 31 August 2016

RELATIONSHIP: Let The End Be The End

I apologize for posting behind schedule. I had network connection issues, but we're back on. It's Love-Wednesday!

I’ve had many friendships I thought would last my whole life, but life (or should I say God?) has been a surprise, as it often does. You too?

Stop Going Back


Where did my friend and I go wrong? We were supposed to be best friends for life. We always say we'd stick together!

I remember when we played with sand, talked about growing up to become beautiful and "big", and said we'd get married on the same day and "born children" on the same day too. What happened to us?

Looking back, each friend or relationship that I’ve had made perfect sense for me that time in my life. It was somewhat divine. The connection was deep.

But you know,

having different interests (perhaps, passion and purpose) alter our relationship.

For instance, in primary school, I had a best friend and three closest friends - Wemimo (Ore), Bose (Kekere) and Wuraola (Wura). In secondary school, I had a best friend and two closest friends - Jumoke (Doughnut) and Felicia (Felicity). In university, Chinweoke (Beddie) and Amara (mum) were my closest ally. During NYSC, there was Suzan (Suzzy). I can go on and on about them. (The names I fondly call them are in bracket).

Back then, our relationship was tight and seemingly heavenly. When you see one, you've seen two. Everybody knew about our friendship.

Can't say the same for today. Some are still in touch, but we are no longer besties. The connection is no longer there.

One thing I have come to understand is that people come together for each person’s maximum spiritual, emotional and mental growth. And when the growth is done, it’s time for an end.

If you don't let it go, you'll be stuck.

Even though I never stop saying moving on should be done properly, where the "goodbyes" leave no worry or fear in our hearts, we still have to end it anyway

Even if they left without saying goodbye, guess what? It's all good! It's time to move on. LET IT GO. The relationship didn't work out because it just wasn't meant to be or the timing was OVER.

I've also discovered that ending a relationship is often like the movement of a cloud past the sun. Initially, it seems so cloudy, so dark, so hard to figure out why things aren't working anymore, and then the shift happens. The view becomes brighter; you get more clarity. You receive THE LIGHT.

I'm finally reaching that place in my life where the old goodbyes are creating space for the new hellos . . . it is very exciting! My circle of friends is being transformed. Praise the Lord!

As you learn and grow, so do your friendships and relationships. 

The experience of seeing the end of a friendship or relationship is never a beautiful one, but is VERY necessary for our growth and well being. Besides, the new can't come when the old is still there.

I tell you this from personal lessons;
  • Don't be afraid to let go
  • You are enough
  • Take responsibilty for your relationship
  • Unlock yourself from guilt or shame
  • Trust God to bring the people you need
  • Embrace new friendships

Some friendship can support your growth for two minutes, two weeks, two months, two years, or a lifetime. Either way, when the time comes, the most powerful and holy thing we can do is allow ourselves to let it end, move on and trust that everything is happening exactly as God wills.

Sometimes other external factors force our relationships to shift and move apart, then we may try to "save" them. Other times it’s a decision you consciously take to get rid of it.



Always remember, you are the reflection of your friend. Every relationship is for a purpose. Every purpose is for a set time. As you change, move, and grow, the radiations around you also change.

They may not understand why you’re making the decision to end it, but that doesn’t matter. You can’t control what other people think. Always trust your heart and never feel guilty for it.

There is no need for you to cling to relationships and friendships that are not working anymore. Create space for new ones.

“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.”
 ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

P.S In July I wrote: 6 Things You should stop Doing. It might be a trend for us to talk about endings/stoppages at the end of each month. Who knows?

As August ends today, end that which has to be ended and let the end be the end. Stop going back!

 

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving out  the light.
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