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God, There You Have It!!!

I had thought not blogging today would at least make God smile at me. I thought He'd be happy that I want to get away from the crowd and spent time ALONE with Him.

I was wrong. I have no idea what to call this post. A confession? A permission? or An acknowledgement?

All Or Nothing

I mentioned towards the end of Yesterday's post that I was going to take a 7-Day break (which I believe should start immediately after I hit the publish button).

I lied.

I lied that I was taking a break because of RCCG Convention 2016.

No, not exactly.

I have come to say this truth . . .

At this point of my walk with God, I can tell when God is happy with me and not-so-happy with me.

I can tell when He’s deeply wounded by my actions and beating me up. I can tell when He’s ecstatic by my presence and loving up on me. I can tell when He’s just enjoying our conversation and spilling out revelations. I can tell when He’s filling me with spiritual power and grace for a project.

I can tell the state of my relationship with God by how much peace and joy I have in my heart.

And I've been losing peace lately. My joy hasn't been as overflowing as it should. I know.

I could say I've not been such a sweetheart lately. I'd been withholding one* thing from Him. 

There has been more hurting, disappointing and few ignoring moments in my relationship with God. It's not been very ecstatic. 

However, I retraced my steps after the encounter I had last weekend. (I hope to tell you all about it someday).

I cried.

Oh boy! I really cried.

It was the point where I was just sitting there crying and completely blown with uncontrollable tears.

He whispered His undying love to me again and again. He told me how much He wants me to desire Him. He brought my dark secret to light, and He reminded me of HOW our relationship started and compared it with what we share now.

And I cried some more.

Chai! When God overwhelms you with love even at your weakest point, you'd cry!

I want to love God for real. I want to love God with ALL my heart, my soul, my spirit, and my body.

I want my DESIRE to be for Him alone, and not on some road-leading-to-nowhere guy*.

I want my DESIRE to be for Him alone and not on some superficial things like clothes and shoes.

This is the desire He has put in me at this point of my walk with Him - To love Him more and to be filled with more of Him.

Which is what I am absolutely going to Redemption Camp to pray about.

So today, when I decided to do away with blogging and all, in a bid to place my DESIRE on Him alone. He said "No".

God said "no" because I'd been living a lie and pretending that I've got my relationship with Him so right when I have a loong way to go. He said "no" because I am Christian who should be authentic, honest, true with what she blogs about. He said "no" because I have to state the reason why I want to be away.

The other time I was away? I told you I needed to recharge. That was true.

The last time I was away, I lost my phone. That was also true.

This time, I am going to be away because I am starting a new relationship with God. I need Him to tell me sweet tori-tori things. I want Him to rekindle the fire and love and joy and peace in my heart.

My heart is already bubbling sef. There is this feeling you get when you know that you know your heart is ready to be filled up.

I desire to live life filled with positivity, inspiration and love - that is the life that glorifies God completely. And that requires me constantly making a resting place for Jesus to dwell and move in.

I want more of Jesus!

one of the pics from last weekend

I want to be all about Jesus!
I don't want people to just see my lovely face, I want people to see a loving Jesus in my face. I don't want people to just hear my sweet voice, I want people to hear a sweet Jesus in my voice.

Too ambitious. Huh? These are my goals (perhaps, expectations) for the month and the rest of the year.

I hope you join me renew your relationship with God. That's the beginning of living o!

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." 
~ Mathew 5:16

P.S. I hope I wouldn't have to confess another thing tomorrow and next. Lol. Nevertheless, I'd obey and say "God, there you have it!!!"

* He was my little dirty secret. God's light shined on it.

Stay inspired.
Keep Loving Jesus.


Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving out  the light.
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