DIARY: "A Whole Amakamedia"

May 2016

"A Whole Amakamedia"

Dear diary, this is not one of my favourite days. Few hours ago I was complaining to a friend how being unable to do anything worthwhile makes me feel.

She didn't believe me.  She casually said,  "Taah! Lemme hear word. A whole Amakamedia cannot be saying this."

She said it lightly but it sank deep into my heart.

W-h-o-l-e.

I hear me screaming within.

I don't feel "whole". Can't you see I am broken? Can't you see?

I feel so inadequate right now. I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish that I could just get a clear message so I know what I should do. I almost do. Actually, I do know what I need to do but, I don't know.

I can't see the Amakamedia my friend is seeing. The strong woman I saw there isn't here anymore.

Where has she gone?!

Is she missing?

Is she hiding? 

or Is she seeking? 

I have to find her . . . I want to see her again. 

Related posts:

• Dear Diary, Nothing Is Working
• Dear Diary, I Am hearing Voices 
• Dear Diary, This Holiday Is Making Sense
• He called My Mum His Mother-in-Law

***

P. S This was how I felt last month but I feel so blessed right now. I am whole.

What does it mean to be WHOLE?

It means to become a balanced, fluid and complete person especially in mind and spirit; that is, to become emotionally and spiritually connected with your purpose . . . your source. . . God.

To be whole is to be full of grace and truth.

When we feel inadequate, it’s scary. It feels like a huge risk – we might fail, make a fool of ourselves or mess up. But when we trust God with our little, He transforms the not good enough into something big.

Question: What would you do when someone who places you more highly than you place yourself - step up to become what they see or tell them you're not all that? 

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 

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Heart Rays . . . giving out  the light.