Tuesday, 23 February 2016

DIARY: I'm Hearing Voices

Like I said here, don't call me crazy when you read my diary. Don't think I'm crazy because I live my life out loud. Don't also think I'm crazy because I hear voices inside and outside my head . . .

Hearing Voices


As I write this, my room is quiet, but there are still sounds all around me. Even in the quietness of my room, I can rarely bathed myself in real silence.

I hear too many voices. Why wouldn't they just let me be?!

I can hear the voice of a rat somewhere outside my door. I can hear the whispering of a bird passing over my roof. I can hear the tick of the clock on my wall. Occasionally, I can hear the familiar voices from my neighbours filtering through my ears, causing me to pause so that I can catch some words, phrases and maybe . . . laughter.

I'm wondering what they are saying and the message they are trying to pass . . .

Inside my head, I hear voices too. There are various voices echoing and reverberating like the shout of the bus conductor across the street. Each of them fighting for my attention.

One voice inside me is thinking about my to-do list: the meeting I'm supposed to attend, the appointments to keep, the friendship I should invest in and the project I am to start today. Another voice is reminding me that I'm broke, and have almost nothing left in my bank account.

One voice is telling me to concentrate on the words that I am writing on this post. Another voice is saying there is no point in all these. Yes. I recognize this particular hisslike voice saying, "You are just wasting your time. You might as well not try. Nobody is going to like you anyway. Nothing is going to change."


Well, I'm about to stop writing. I am not stopping because I listened to the wrong voice who tells me nothing I do makes a difference. I'm not stopping because I believed the seductive lies of defeat. No.

I am stopping because I know there is a point to this post. I have written it out already.  

I wrote it indirectly. I guess. 

The point is, I am not crazy because I'm hearing voices in my head. We all do. We all hear a cacophony of voices inside of us. It's part of who we are and the way we are conditioned. These voices impact how we learn to forget the past and face the present. And in order to live and enjoy this moment, we must assess the various voices in our lives, both around us and inside us.

Dear Diary, I want to know and master how to respond to each voice. One screams "Amaka, I told you" with a smirk and the other whispers "Amaka, you can do it" with a smile. Help me walk past the distractions and let these Heart Rays shine brightly.

"The key to achieving our dreams is knowing which voice to listen to."

How do you know which voice to listen to? Share some tips biko. 


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Heart Rays . . .giving out  the light.
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