Wednesday, 27 July 2016

RELATIONSHIP: When You Feel Like Punching Someone In The Face

It's inevitable to meet people who are hard to get along with. Some people do dumb things and are very annoying. They lie. They stab us at the back. They make promises they can't keep. So what do we do when people do dumb things, lie, stab at us, and all that? I'm here to help!

When You Feel Like Punching Someone In The Face


I thought of these steps (albeit after the fact) that I had issues with two difficult people and I'm going to implement them from now on when I come in contact with another instigator.

One of the most important quotes I received while reflecting on those scenarios is:

You cannot control those around you, but you can only control your reaction to them.

The reaction we have to negativity is a choice we make, and it usually happens in a brief moment - instantly.

Remember Mr. Moses in the Bible who reacted to the annoying murmuring Israelites? He reacted angrily in an instant. God commanded him to simply speak to a rock so that water can come from it. Instead what did he do? He smote the rock twice!

Mr. Moses was at the moment of punching someone in the face when he smote the rock. Was God happy? Nope! God immediately reproved him for his anger. And he never made it to the Promise Land. Too bad for him. Too bad.

We are striving to live life filled with positivity, inspiration and love. Therefore, we will get to our Promise Land. Can somebody say "Amen"?

Let's learn to replace negative instantaneous reaction with a calming, positive, inspiring one.

I believe these 6 steps will help you catch yourself in that moment, find clarity, keep your cool and will help you react as the positive, authentic sweetheart that you are . . .

STEP 1: Know Yourself

Self-knowledge is powerful.

We all have subjects that push our buttons, and I can almost guarantee that the difficult person in your life knows what those topics are—but do you? Spend some time exploring what really ticks you off. Is it when somebody talks about politics, money, your hair, your weight or your family? Is it when your colleague isn't responding to your mails? Is it when someone doesn't close the door behind them?

Knowing what triggers you will help you avoid certain situations and conversations. You will become aware of your defences and your tendencies to get angry.

STEP 2: Catch Yourself

When someone puts you on the defensive and makes you want to throw negativity right back at them, STOP.

It takes YOU to stop you. Don't lose consciousness. Be aware of who you are at that very moment. The devil is tricky. You know?

Step 3:  Take A Deep Breath

Take. One. Now.

Feels good. Huh?

Each time I feel like punching someone on the face, I notice that I am breathing fast. Does it happen to you? These frustrating situations causes our heart to pump faster to get more blood to our limbs where our brains think we’ll need it.

So take a deep breath, focus on yourself, and stop the physical reactions within your body so you can think straight.

when I'm keepin' ma cool on a BRT (bus)

Step 4: Wear Your Eyes Of Mercy

This is the best time to show how Christian you are. What if this person isn't having the best day? What if this person's heart is breaking on the inside?

When someone lashes out at you for something seemingly trivial, it usually stems from their own issues, not yours. I try really hard to see through people's actions.

It helps me in these situations to remove myself from my anger, and try to consider why this person might be acting this way.

Do you remember when you acted rudely to someone in the past because you were having a bad day? Don’t you wish the victim of your strife would forgive you?

So look at people with the eyes of mercy. And show them kindness anyway!

Step 5: Don't Try To Be Right

If you're still feeling like punching that person on the face, hold on a few more seconds. Calm down.

Why do you have to be right?

That feeling tied to the need to be right, to have the last word, and to defend is pride.

Take a step back and think about it again.

What would happen if I let this go?
Would I die? No. 
Would I be a better person? Yes.
Would I feel better about it later? Yes.
Would God be proud of me? Yes. And Yes.

So why not experiment with letting go of your pride and allowing the other person to be "right". . . even if they are not. Let them have this moment.

This is actually my personal BEST step because I tend to make my points clear every single time. Trying not to be right works for me.

"OK. You win. Let's move on." I'd say.


Step 6: Destroy The Negativity Cycle

Reacting in an explosive way furthers the cycle of negativity that this person is radiating from. You are a light to shine in their darkness.

Something negative happened to them, then they blow up at you, then you blow up at them . . . then . . . then . . .

Stop the cycle of negativity by rising above it. Two wrongs don't make a right. Only right destroys right.

This, like everything else, takes practice.
It takes a strong person to overcome their pride and let things go without retaliation. You’ll feel better if you do. I am always more proud of myself when I can rise above a negative situation than when I give in to it.

. . . Besides, not getting the police to arrrest you for punching someone in the face is a big plus. Lol.

Sweetheart, spread love. Anger is not a solution.

Bonus Step: Write It Out

Writing is a perfect way to vent. I love writing!

Writing is a good outlet when you're mad. Writing about someone anonymously feels even better because they read the things you write about them. The description fits them, so they are curious if you are talking about them. That's what I'm doing right now. Aha!

What steps would you add? Have you been in situations which you’re proud of the way you reacted?

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" 
~ Ephesians 4:26

Looking forward to reading your comments about your reactions and how you’re NOT punching people in the face! 


Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
Follow me on Twitter: @Amakamedia
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