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Dear Diary, I've Got Something To Tell You

I’m staring at this blank page and thinking: This is one of the most important things you’ll ever write. Be brave, Amaka. Steady. Clear. Shameless. Gentle. True.

There Is Someone Now

I will pretend it’s just the two of us here in the kitchen. I’m making us toast bread. I pass a tray to you and ask you to come sit down on the bed with me. You follow me into my room, we sit down and I am looking at you. I can see that you’re nervous because you’ve figured out I’m about to tell you something important. So I quickly say: I'm fine. Everybody is fine. All is well. We are all okay.

We are. And yet.

Then you look at me with your eyes wide open, not knowing what to ask. Your expression does not tell me whether you are confused or surprised. You are quiet and look quite interested in what I am about to tell you . So I slowly say: I met someone.

No, someone found me.

Erm, I mean someone showed up.

Yes. Yes, he showed up. Kind of.

What really happened? I am still looking for the words. Yet to wrap my head around it.

It seems he's been here the whole time.

As mysterious as it appears, one thing I'm certain about is: I've always dreamt of a perfect love story my entire life. When I meet a guy, I start to connect the paragraphs and get into writing while anticipating that the story leads to a captivating 'and-they-lived-happily-ever-after'.

Despite my fairy-tale ideals, dating around was not the most romantic experience I’d always imagined it would be. In a desperate attempt to find the man of my dreams, I flitted from one relationship to the next, allowing my heart to be broken over and over again. I gave myself emotionally and even physically to one guy after another.

Even though I managed to keep my abstinence commitment and even though I dated mostly “Christian” guys, I knew that something wasn’t right in this area of my life. I hadn’t crossed certain physical lines, but I still felt guilty and impure. I was giving away far more of my heart, mind, emotions, and body than I knew was right. I felt dirty, used, and broken.

I wondered why God kept allowing me to get my heart broken again and again. Little did I realize what amazing, beautiful, perfect plans my Creator had for me, if only I would entrust the pen to Him and let Him write my story.

As for God, his way is perfect
— Psalm 18:30

When I finally made the difficult decision to surrender my love life completely to Jesus, I stand in awe of what happened (and what is still happening). I have never experienced such beauty and love as God takes the centre stage of my heart. . .of my love life.

Read Also: The Love Story I Wrote When 'I Met God'

It only makes sense, when you stop and think about it. God is the Creator of love and romance. Marriage was His idea in the first place. What better MATCHMAKER could we ever find than the One who created us and loves us way more than we can ever comprehend?

As for God, his way is perfect
— Psalm 18:30

The words of this Scripture are proven absolutely true!

If I don’t mention something here, it’s not because I forgot to or don't want to. It’s because I desperately have to find the right balance between honesty and a tell-all. Between transparency and responsibility. Between my story and God's story. What I owe you and what I owe myself. There will be parts of this story I will (try to) save (until when I'm led to share). If you can, please resist assumptions, gossip, or asking for details I haven’t provided. However, I can tell you this: If you have always wanted to write your love story like me, please do. BUT LET GOD guide the pen when you are writing.

His name is Kachi. He is the one I have been praying for/about. The one kept for me until the perfect time.

Heaven calls us 'The Perfect Match'. 💕

Look forward to our pre-wedding posts (pictures, videos, etc) with the hashtag #PerfectMach2018 all over social media in a couple of days. Lol. Yeah.

Ehen. Are you still on my bed? Go jhorr. You have finished my toast bread in this tray. But don't be too far, stay close. I need you more than I’ve ever needed you. You were there when I cried, you should be here just as I dance. :)

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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