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Break Free from Unequally Yoked Relationship

I was in an unequally yoked relationship that sucked the life and energy out of me! It drained me emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I never felt so lonely, empty, depressed, and lost!

Glad I can talk about it here.

Freedom From Unequally Yoked Relationship

Right at the beginning, I knew the relationship was headed for destruction.

I never wanted to get into that relationship and so wanted to get out of it the moment I got into it. However, I let my emotions lead me and ultimately control me! It was the deadliest place I’ve ever been in my life!!! I not only lost myself, but I also got chained up. In a cage.

I was not his girlfriend and he was not going to marry me but we had a "connection". Connection, was the preferred word for our relationship.

We served on the same team. Our first one-on-one communication was when he reached out to me on the phone; he asked me a work related question. And that one phone call led to other phone calls. I was totally not interested in him because he wasn't any where close to getting married. At least, he was open about that one. Besides, he didn't have ANY of the core qualities I wanted in a husband, but I did find him attractive sha.

Prior to him coming into my life, I was single and really didn’t have any friends (so it seemed in my mind because the devil threw a lie at me and I bought it). So, I was lonely and needed someone to call mine.

I pretty much gave up hope that God would bless me with the one He had for me. Smh. Since this guy was available at the time, I settled and agreed to be his girlfriend. It was the biggest mistake I ever made.

I was his girlfriend and not his girlfriend. Confused? Me too. I was his girlfriend because we talk, hang out and do stuff but I wasn't his girlfriend because no one knew about our relationship. We could not even introduce each other as friends and he never wanted us to be seen together by family and friends. At a point, it was as if he was ashamed of me and tried to keep me in hiding.

He was my secret sin.

Each time I got out of the relationship, he ran after me pleading to get back my attention. Yet, he would never love me right when I went back. Since he didn’t know what love was, He didn’t know how to properly love me. He gave more attention to his work (as he always claimed to be busy), and other things that I had to practically fight to get his attention.

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I realized I was in a hot mess when I still stayed even after I found out he had been speaking/spending time with another girl (now I'm even thinking he had many more girlfriends). If I confronted him about any of my evidences, he would just flat out lie to my face with no remorse. This of course made me feel devastated as if I experienced a death.

The relationship had me living in a circle (or is it cycle?). Running out and going back in, running out and going back in.

And I wanted to TOTALLY break free because I felt stuck in that relationship for quite some time.

I fasted. I prayed. Ah.

I just couldn't explain nor understand how and why I crawled back into the relationship every single time. 

Since I was being pushed farther away from my personal relationship with God, my world became revolved around him. Over time, I realize I didn't actually love him but I loved the things we did together. I was addicted to being around him every week.

I was willing to sacrifice my calling to be with him. It was that bad.

When he ignored me, I felt unworthy. I felt useless without him. He knew he was driving me crazy and seemed to be enjoying it. I couldn't share my frustration with anyone because nobody knew about us.

I forgot my identity. My worth. I almost lost me. 

I wasted so much energy trying to have him around me all the time, trying to win his love and attention. I was unhappy and drowning in my own misery. Ah, I wasted so much valuable time mehn!

Throughout our relationship, he would seek to receive more than give. The more I would give, the more empty I was left.

My freedom started when God showed me the truth and filled my void. He showed me that true love cannot be earned, it is freely given. It’s not based on the things I do or who accepts me, but on who I am.

The relationship was a torture. Dysfunction. Narcissist.

We hardly agreed on anything! It was a constant battle of the wills. To please God or not to please God.

After all, it is the Spirit of God that unites 2 people together. Anything contrary to the Spirit of God will bring about division. We were headed in 2 different directions that was never going to meet because we did not share the same beliefs, goals, passions, vision, principles, convictions, etc. Most importantly, our relationship lacked PURPOSE. Therefore, even though we were together, we did not walk together towards the same purpose. Christ.

True love is shown through ACTIONS. A Godly man will commit themselves to whom they love and be committed to showing his love to her. There will be no doubt, confusion, or questioning of his love for you. You will know that you are loved and accepted because of WHO YOU ARE, not what you do. Nothing will cause their love towards you to lessen because it will be pure and true.

I am SO glad that God renewed my hope in Him, gave me the strength and courage to cut that relationship off, and showed me that TRUE LOVE is only found in HIM. Only HE can fill our voids. I am SO thankful that I made the decision to LET GO and have received the power to LOVE and OBEY GOD.

I am free indeed!

You can be free too.

You might say he is a Christian, he goes to church and maybe even has the gift of tongues, however, if your relationship with him does not please God, you are unequally yoked.

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 
— 2 Corinthians 6:14

P.s While pondering on why I'd always accepted him back and walked the path of destruction, the Spirit said to me, "Your spirit is weak. Become strengthened with might by the Spirit in your innerman". (Ephesians 3:16)

The Word delivered me.

Read Also: On Becoming Strong

I started to feed my spirit so that my flesh could die. As I drew closer to God, the addiction loses its hold on me.


P.s I will be taking up a 21-day prayer challenge for my future husband. If you want to be a part of it, follow @amakamediadotcom

Don’t Give Up.
Be Strong.

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
Let's connect on Twitter: @Amakamedia
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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