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Relationships That Don't Lead To Marriage Become Lessons

Is it painful to end a relationship? Yes, of course. It’s never easy to break up with someone, especially with the one you have grown quite close to and pictured the future with. But I’m convinced it is even much less painful than spending the rest of your life being miserable in a marriage.

He Was Your Life-Lessons

Image By: Ogamars Creatives

I dated many cute guys. Some of them in my mind and most of them in real life.

They were not all bad guys. In fact, most of them had many good qualities. We genuinely cared about each other and had fun together. But in each relationship, there were things that didn’t feel quite right.

In some relationships, I found myself compromising some of my values to match with that guy’s. In other relationships, I began to think that some of the things I had wanted in a husband were perhaps more wishful thinking than things that could actually be.

Do nice, sensitive, funny, godly men still exist? I would ask myself.

For instance, Farouq (fake name), a guy who I dated was a very nice guy. Although he said his faith was important to him, yet attending church and reading the Bible were not high on his priority list. I had to ask myself, “Is he really on the same page as me when it comes to my Christian faith?” “If we have children, will it be important to him that they are raised by godly principles and involved in church?” It turns out we were not in sync on these issues, so I decided to end the relationship.

Another guy, Chidi was also an okay “match” in many ways. But I began to notice subtle patterns that bothered me. His job often seemed more important to him than our relationship, and he would repeatedly put friends or family before me. For someone whose “love language” is spending quality time together, that was a major issue.

I jumped into one relationship to another. I truly wanted to do what I felt was God’s will, but I also really didn’t want to give up on my dream of having a fairy-tale kind of relationship. It wasn’t until I was fully ready to obey God’s leading, that the answer came. Once I took my fingers out of my ears and agreed to truly hear what God had to say, His answer was quite clear.

I realized that all the cute guys I dated were designed to prepare me for my marriage with Kachi.

I needed to be schooled. I needed to learn, unlearn and relearn. 

The lessons I learned from each relationship took me into the next. And when I didn't learn what I was meant to learn, the classes were repeated. It was a cycle of heartbreaks.

Does it hurt to end a relationship? Certainly, yes! It’s painful to break up with someone that you have grown close to and come to truly love. But I’m convinced it is much less hurtful than spending your life feeling miserable in a marriage because you failed to REALIZE (the real lies with your real eyes when you had the chance and time).

Taking whatever (and whoever) has hurt you as a lesson will be beneficial for your personal growth and future relationship.

Are you upset because the last guy did not treat you with enough respect? Look at the learning experience. What does this teach you? Do you need to be less tolerant of people’s bad behaviour? To be more assertive? To love yourself more so others can follow?

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After I broke up from the last narcissistic relationship, I came to the end of my dating rope.

“I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else until he is my husband,’' I told God.

Since I had not done such a great job of choosing relationships on my own, I decided to LET GOD choose the next one. I wouldn’t even consider dating again until I had sought His will about the person and the relationship.

It was after ALL these that God began unfolding the events that led me to become Kachi's wife. Each guy I dated were lessons to be learned.

In my upcoming book, HWMH, I shared my experience with all the guys I have dated and who they made me become. It is the most personal and intimate stories I've ever shared. Can't wait for it to be released. So excited and anxious altogether!

What lesson(s) did you learn from your past relationship(s)?

Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi
Let's connect on Twitter: @Amakamedia
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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