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DIARY: The Healing Process Is A Gift Only You Can Give Yourself

Today I recognize my human nature tendencies more easily. It's not that the hurt places and dark parts of me has disappeared. I have just become a healed, whole person with which to embrace them. I even have a name for it now. 

Dear Diary
October 2017

As I reflect on my life - the way I loved and was loved before I started on my journey to wholeness, I'm amazed I got to this point in one piece (or, should I say peace?). The person I used to be seems like a very bad dream. God intervened many times to keep me from self-destruction, I'm convinced.

There is no point sugarcoating it. Healing is a process of destruction. It is messy and painful, but oh, so worth it.

Anyone who gets on the other side of the healing path will feel the same way. The world just feels different. You see things differently. And you understand people differently too.

An author once described the examination and cutting out process as "walking through cleansing fire." I guess it is an accurate description of recovery and healing. When the journey starts it can feel a lot like tearing the mask off our faces and tearing our hearts open — once it's started, there is no turning back.

The journey has been a long stretch. I get on the other side, but it's been three steps forward and two steps back most of the time. Yet every step of the way gleans new understanding and develops new insight for immediate use. There comes the realization that every stumble and setback is worth it, because this path leads directly to God.

The walk has become less of the world and less of me, but more with God. Surrendering to His wisdom and control make it easier, quicker. The path becomes more about taking charge of choices.

I might never get to the perfect destination. My challenges and issues might not end. What changes is my perception on things that happen, my ability to process them, and my expression throughout. The things that would make me feel broken and ashamed no longer have the same effect. 

Healing is painful. Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.

It can be lonely but it's not a ride I take alone, because God is with me through all the peaks and valleys. He wants me to find my life, my movement, and my being in Him.

This beautiful and famous recovery prayer by Reinhold Niebur captures everything about this journey to wholeness:

"God, Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I like to paraphrase it this way:

"Dear Holy Spirit, I cannot live for even a day without You. Help me. Teach me. I surrender my life and my weaknesses to You . . .
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I have no control over — other people, their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Grant me the courage to change only the things I can change — my perception, my character, my heart.
Grant me the wisdom every day to know the difference between the truth and the pull of the flesh. I ask in the name of Jesus. Amen."

* * * * * *

Sweeties, I wish for you an ever beautiful and freeing experience with God.  Let's never cease to explore and do exploits, because we know our God.

How was October?

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Posted by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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