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You Can’t Quit Motherhood Like You Quit A Job

Some days, I wish motherhood was a job I could quit. (Let me mention that I am one who quit a job by just knowing and one who can also quit without having a back up plan). Yeah, there are days when I just want to be done.

Being a mother is way more time consuming (but way more rewarding than I ever expected) and so many feelings and emotions are involved.

When Motherhood Gets Overwhelming

When I first became a mother, there were so many days where everything felt hard. It felt overwhelming, which isn’t something I was anticipating with such frequency. It is getting easier as each day passes, but there are still days where I wish I could just quit motherhood. Even if it’s for a week.

I remember when I was just a two-month-old mother and the baby would cry, looking over at my mother-in-love and wondering why on earth she didn’t pick her up?

I couldn’t accept the daunting reality that her crying would be my forever responsibility. That was perhaps the very first overwhelming moment for me as a mother.

There I laid, nursing my sweet baby, weeping. I wept for the unknown, I wept for what I did know so personally and so painfully. I am a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend and most prominently, I am a mother.

I cried.

And I’ve cried some more. 

I’m human. After all.

Then I get to wake up and do it again. Phew!

Some days, I wish it was a job I could quit. I wish it was a job with flexible hours, manageable hours, limited hours. I wish it was a job with vacation and sick leave and a salary. I wish it was a job with performance bonuses and employee-of-the-month awards.

I wish it was a “real” job.

But it’s not. It’s not a job. It’s my entire life, a large part of my identity, my entire heart, body, and soul. Because even if I worked outside of the home full-time, every step would echo with my love for her, every action would be fueled by my need to keep her safe.

I am a mother. No matter what else I become and no matter what else I do, this is forever written on my heart, my body. Even when I take a break, a self-date, even when I sleep, this is constant. The loving, the worrying, the working. It is filling. It is draining. It is too much and not enough in all the same and different ways at all the same and different times.

It’s ok to cry. Mum or dads, it’s totally ok to be overwhelmed by emotions. I know at the beginning I cried when things were scary, but things are getting better. It’s ok to have a little cry.

I have some practical tips or small suggestions for those moments.

  • Call a Girlfriend 
Your husband can’t be all things to you. He just can’t. Even if he wants to; even if he tries to. At some point you are going to need girlfriends who’ve been there, cried that and can offer a different kind of comfort. Surround yourself with them. Don’t be isolated. Seek out your friends, your mum, the kind woman at church or the next-door-neighbour with children. You need a woman to confide in. Regularly.
  • Get more sleep
Give your baby/children to an aunt, your mum or caregiver for a few hours. Then go get those eyes shut!

  • Get real with God 
God is a parent. Oh, you didn’t know? He is a Father. He knows what it feels like. He designed the system. Go ahead, tell Him how you really feel about it. Vent. This is the most honest kind of prayer. Give Him all your frustrations, your exhaustion, your desperation and hear how He listens to you.

  • Find Your Joy (Again)
Start doing things for yourself . Find joy in yourself. Look good for yourself. Make your hair. Enjoy the journey.
REMEMBER YOU PRAYED for this season.

The devil is trying to steal your focus. Look unto Jesus. The foundation of your motherhood is on God.

Take away resentment, anger, overwhelm.

Don’t let your joy dwindle.

Do whatever gives you joy.

Focus on having a great life. (a good life is not a great life)

  • Insert your tip here
I’m inviting other wise mothers who’ve travelled this road of motherhood much longer to please share your experience in the comment. To please encourage. To please offer their advice of how to navigate the desperately alone moments of motherhood.

Perhaps part of the reason we may feel alone when we’re overwhelmed by motherhood—even though we’re not—is that we still don’t talk about it enough.

We still try to maintain this perfect facade of having it all together even when we feel like we’re crumbling inside.

It’s time to take off the masks!

It’s only when we get real with each other—opening ourselves up to vulnerability and authenticity—that we can truly help one another.

So forget the guilt trip, ditch the shame, and be honest with someone you trust about how you’re feeling.

If you quit motherhood on the bad days, then you don’t get to truly enjoy the good days. And the good days are the very best part. You dig?

Thanks for coming over here. It makes me a happy mum! 😉

Stay positive.
Stay inspired.
Stay hopeful.

Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi
Let's connect on Twitter: @Amakamedia
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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