Tuesday, 7 April 2015

This Choice I made is Scary

For over a month, I've been trying to decide whether to move forward or to stay. Some days, I've completely made up my mind. And other days, I change my mind. Why? Fear of the unknown.

This Choice I Made is Scary


I had lost the passion. My enthusiasm dwindled daily. I struggled each morning to get out of bed. It affected my attitude towards work. I was in a survival-mode.

Being the self-reflective (over-analyzer) person that I am, I decided to dig deep within myself to find the root of this pesky little emotion that has been sabotaging my efforts to move forward (or in any direction, for that matter). I realized it has to do with my desire to live a purposeful life.

I made research and ask questions on the best reasons to quit a job. I needed more convictions. The more research I made, the clearer the decision appears to be made. Still, I was scared.

Am I making the right decision?
Will I regret what I choose?
What if I fail?
Am I not being foolish?

Twice have I written my resignation letter, and twice have I discarded them. I really do love the company, I love my team members, and I like the fact that it takes me less than 20 minutes to get to the office (in Lagos for that matter!). Did I tell you I also love my boss? Such a blessing! I've been through many interesting processes in the job; The  first six months, the content creation stage, and the projection stage. It's been a wonderful experience.

But I enjoyed my job no more. And I didn't know what will become of me when I leave.

*****
Last weekend, during the Easter holy communion service, I asked God to activate every dead passion, potential, and power within me. Believe me, I don't know why I prayed that way. Lol.
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I want something more. I feel there is more I can do with my life. I want to be my best, do my best, and give my best. There is a place I need to be right now. It's not here. It's a place where I have to put my SHAPE into play. I want to use my strengths, heart, abilities, personality, and experience in the best way for a life full of living and giving.

I was actually offered a promotion which included a higher position and pay, but I declined. *whispers*  So I quit my job today. And I'm scared. Really scared.

I want to live my dreams, so I dare to fail. I choose to take the risk of making mistakes for the chance to actually add some more colours in my life.

L.I.F.E. is filled with choices to be made in each and every moment. Try things out, and when they don't work the way you thought they would, change your course and try again. Only by repeated trials will you find your purpose and learn to give the gift that only you can give to the world.

So I embark on this journey to pursue my dreams. I currently have no plan, but I know God has a plan. :)

P.S. I do have an appointment with my mentor tomorrow. Ah, I just hope he will not lash me. *covers face*

So tell me, what do you do to make decisions less scary and to ensure that you move forward and not backward?


Posted by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
Twitter: @Amakamedia
Email: amakamedia@yahoo.com

Heart Rays . . .giving out  the light.
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