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DIARY: God Wants Me To Be

That morning, I woke up feeling somehow. The somehow feeling made me sober and reflective.

My Personality

There is so much that I strongly believe God wants to do with me and through me, but I woke up feeling rather uncertain. I felt as though I was "marking time" again. 

I felt like I was huffing and puffing on a treadmill - lots of motions but no real progress.

I was just not feeling the journey again.

Can I confess? This kind of feeling is usual for me. I have felt it quite a number of times here, here and there. As always, when the feeling comes, I get into a conversation with God.

Thank God that God is not like some service providers whose network is not always reliable. Lemme not even mention names here. God's network is never down - always available, reachable and connecting.

So, what did God say to me?

God, being God. The Knower of all things, the Supreme King, the Alpha and the Omega, asked me a heart-searching and life-changing question.

Did I tell you? God doesn't just start up a conversation with me oh. It is either I asked Him a question (which are sometimes foolish) or He does the asking.

Remember when He asked me "Who Do You Want To Become?". Lol!

I am always thrown off for a few minutes. His questions always make me realize why it is stupid to feel whatever it is I am feeling at the time. It appears He knows that's the best way to get me back on track, put some senses into head and fix my eyes/heart on Him.

. . .
God: Do you want my principles or do you want my personality?
Me: Huh? Lord, how do you mean oh?
God: Amaka, you seem to desire my principles more than my personality.
Me: Lord, how?
God: I know what you need. I know. My personality is the experience that makes you a celebrity but my principles is the power that helps you succeed. 
Me: I see. Is that why I can't get what I want?
God: (pause) You cannot trade my personality for my principles. My personality makes you TO BE, but my principles makes you TO DO. It is my personality you need, not my principles.
Me: Hmmm . . . But this thing has been working for others. Why is my own now different? (tears)
God: Your ministry is not about what you do, it is centered on WHO YOU ARE.
. . .

As it dawned on me what God was trying to let me see, I was totally blown away.


There are some traits in my personality that need to be checked. And I know it.

"It is better to have good character than to have great wealth."

As a media personality (who is not-so-popular yet. Lol!), there are certain traits that should not be found in me if I want to go up there to shine THE LIGHT. If I want to live as an expression of God's glory. If I want to make progress. If I want Him to take me by the hand and lead me there.

Others can get there any other way, but I'd need His personality (presence) to get there and remain sane.

As I went into the bathroom, I confessed my sins and asked God for mercy and grace to be a better person. I have come to know that the closer I walk with God, the more I become more like Him.

It's just so amazing how He keeps reaching out to me, wanting me to come back to being, looking and acting like Him. He wants people to meet me and have a Jesus experience.

This is what I'm pursuing. So help me God! 

"Let us make man in our own image, after our own likeness."

How would someone you just met describe your personality?


Posted by Nwamaka Ajaegbu
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