Wednesday, 29 November 2017

RELATIONSHIP: How To Deal With Losing Your Best Friend Because Of Marriage

Hi People! Welcome to another Love-Wednesday! You are aware of my friendship heartbreak earlier this year, yeah? That's done. . . Gone. . .Over! I have stopped looking back, wishing for the things that cannot happen and have accepted reality. I bring you good tidings from the experience.

Dealing With The Loss Of A Best Friend To Someone Else


I brag about having more male friends and shared with you how to maintain the friendship with them here. I fret about having so many boyfriends and mentioned to you how none had proposed marriage to me yet here. I have also nagged about how some of them preferred to have me as a side chick. I probably haven't been doing a great job at selling myself as a wife material, or what do you think?

Anyway, that's not why I'm here. I have come to tell you how to deal with that guy/girl who has friend-zoned you (forever). We could have restricted today's topic to the bestie who has a boyfriend/girlfriend, but then again I thought, you can be in a person's life even when they are married.

Picture this:
You have a friend you like very much with whom you attend the same school or work at the same office or go to the same church, or you live very close to each other and have been seeing each other almost everyday for at least two years. S/He told you a couple of weeks ago that he was getting into a relationship with a really nice person or that s/he was getting married to someone you both know. What would you do?

True story. I've been there.

It's a loss and you'll probably experience a kind of grief. The realization that your relationship will change quite a bit doesn't make it easier for you. You might get a pierce in your heart. No, two pierces actually - sadness and happiness.

In my case, I was indeed happy for him but the fact that we won't hang out as often and that he's going to do with her what we used to do together broke my heart. It was surprising how the feelings of sadness and loneliness kept me bound. Anyway, it gives me pleasure to share insights from the experience. . .

1. Voice out your jealousy and get over it quickly
It's normal to feel jealous. Nobody enjoys losing a friend to another person, and a healthy level of jealousy is good (Read 'Love Is Not Jealous'). Be honest to tell him you are jealous but add some "lol" with a funny smiley if you both are texting at the time. If you both are on a phonecall, then say something like "why do I feel jealous?""how is our girlfriend?" and laugh it off immediately.

You will find yourself feeling comfortable. In fact, he will be free to tell you what you and the new girl have in common, and why he chose her. I'm serious! The guy will likely be able to answer any question and make you feel more at ease about the situation.

Generally, the best way to deal with jealousy is to talk about it. When people are jealous, they often try to hide their true feelings, but ignoring our emotions hardly ever works. Our feelings get the best of us and influence our behaviour whether we like it or not.

2. Talk yourself into loving his new girlfriend/wife
Don't make up your mind that you don't like your besties' girlfriend/wife simply because she is the one he chose. (Read 'Why He Chose Her') Try getting to know her. Spend some time with them together, and see if she'd like to spend some bonding time alone with you. Once you get to know her, you may discover that she really is a cool girl and see exactly why she is your best friend's girlfriend/wife. This might be tricky but if he is really your bestie, he would have told her about you. So yeah!

If you can't be friends with his girlfriend or wife, do not despise her. it’s probably in your best interest to keep your mouth closed about what you don’t like about your friend’s new girlfriend/wife. Be genuinely happy for them. Pray for them because you want the best for your friend. Friends always never wish harm for friends.

3. Accept his new status and stay out of his way
Don't dwell in a beautiful mansion of self-denial. If you go ahead to believe that him having a girlfriend or getting married will not change your friendship, you would hurt yourself. You will be making up excuses for him as to why he has not called you or replied your messages.

FACE REALITY TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOUR BESTIE NOW BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE.

True friends withstand the storm. It doesn't matter how long you go without talking to someone, just don't forget the reason why you stopped talking. Life gets busy, people can't always be there. Even if they made the decision to cut you off from their life because of someone else, then ask God for the strength and grace to continue to have a creatively awesome life without them.

Thanks for reading. :)

P.s This applies to guys too; I know a guy can have a female bestie who has a boyfriend/husband. I really didn't plan to leave the the guys behind because I'd wanted us to talk about both parties. But when I realize how "him/her", "husband/wife", "besties boyfriend/girlfriend in various sentences sounded somewhat awkward and looked clumsy, I gave up.

So guys, talk to us in the comment box. Give us more insight. How do you deal with your female best friend who has a boyfriend or is now married?

P.s.s Don't get it twisted.The picture above has nothing to do with this article. It's just one of those random wedding pictures with a made up face I like.

Let's go personal. Is it OK to remain bestie when s/he is committed to someone else? Why?


Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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