Tuesday, 28 August 2018

Dear Diary, I Feel Heavily Pregnant

How can someone who's never ever been physically pregnant understand the feeling of pregnancy? Well, thank God for Google and the likes. I am reading everything about the feeling that comes from the expectancy of a new born baby. So it is relate-able.

Will This Baby Ever Be Born?


I've been "pregnant" so many times. Pregnant with a word. Pregnant with a vision. Pregnant with a dream. Pregnant with a promise. And in all my pregnancies, I have come to understand that timing is VERY important. In fact, timing is everything.

Life exists in time. Time is the river of Life. God gives us Time as the medium for carrying out our life’s assignment. To every purpose, there is a timing; to every assignment, an appointment. To fulfill destiny, God packaged us in the entity called “Time”. To live out the promise, God prepares you for the time.

Sometimes the spiritual pregnancy is long and hard. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes you just feel like you are going to bust wide open. Sometimes the labour pains feel like too much to bear. Sometimes you don't feel like pushing any more.

Some pregnancy end in tears. Some birth bundles of joy. Some come with pain. Some birth streams of opportunities.

In previous pregnancies, I’ve felt pretty healthy and haven’t had any so many reasons to give up or what have you, but hey, this one is taking so much from me. It is hard work. I am dead restless.

Weirdly, on some days I wake up totally elated and full of energy and I virtually sprint down to work. It worries me – I think to myself, why do I feel this good? What’s wrong? But no fear: by the time I hold the pen and let the word out and fill up a line in the page of my book, I’m completely bloody blanked and knackered. Which is – incidentally – mainly what it feels like to be heavily pregnant. Blanked. Knackered.

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I've been pregnant with this particular baby for so long. Will this baby ever be born?

I am not lazy. I am just tired. Or, should I say worried that I would lose this pregnancy because the time I have left to deliver is short. I am tired of my being tired. I badly want to have this baby.

This morning, my friend (although he is way more than just "a friend") jolted me to update the blog. I couldn't honestly place what was stopping me. I couldn't really figure out the reason for my fear and doubts. Maybe he is the one who has been assigned to help me push. . .

The Amplify Network (TAN)  hangout last Saturday

Wait, I should be thankful for two things though -- that I am still pregnant and that I have those who are helping me to believe that this baby will be born. :)

For real, I am thankful for friends who remind me of the dream. Thankful for those who push me to take a tiny step forward. Life without them in it seems unfathomable to me. They challenge me to keep on keeping on. To write to you. To share it with you. Because I feel like you’ve been through battles and slept in the same foxholes as I have. My strengths come right along side my vulnerabilities, and surely yours must too. Maybe, just maybe. . . we can do this together.

That’s why I write.

That’s why I share.

That’s why I blog.

And when it hurts the most. I’ll just put one foot in front of the other. And write.

And when it's hard to explain the feeling. I'll just hold my pen. And let it.

Because we are in this together.

Maybe if we choose to believe we conceived right from the beginning of the year, then we can believe that we are entering into the ninth month of our pregnancy.

Let's believe it is possible.

Let's believe it will happen.

Let's believe the baby will be born.

Don't give way to frustration. God has your future in His hands—because it's His future too!

Stay inspired.
Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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