Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Dear Diary, I'm Suffering From An Artistic Identity Crisis

I keep trying to discover what my media form and art style is but honestly I have no clue?? Just when I think this is it, another emerges. I'm having an identity crisis.

Artistic Identity Crisis


I've been facing a sort of creative paralysis for a while. Oddly enough, I don't have a lack of ideas. My problem is that my ideas are in a thousand different directions. And it's bothering me that I can't make it all merge together as ONE.

It bothers me sometimes that I do so many different kinds of things and like so many mediums and styles.

However, if I don't make a variety of things I become bored and do nothing, which bothers me even much more. Of the two options, creating many different things is clearly the better "addiction".  So I accept the small discomfort in order to avoid the much larger discomfort of making nothing.

I feel like I have a few conflicting identities and each one drowns the other one out each time one of them tries to speak up. How do I get them to play together? How do I get them to work as a team? How do I bring them to form a connection?

"What am I about? What do I do, exactly?"

I wish this issue can be figured out by filling out a worksheet or a personality quiz. It takes time, a lot of work, and honestly quite a bit of blindly fumbling around. There are moments when it feels like a total waste of life and continuous running into dead ends.

I've tried all kinds of things to find out who I am as a creative. I mean, take a look at my Work With Me Page - I do all kinds of stuff. Look at my blog too, so many things about so many things. I've written and created beautiful pieces, and I love how they turn out, but I have to confess, I don't really feel like I'm hitting that "this is me!" point already. The search for myself is so frustrating sometimes!


How do I become a spoken word artist? Can you even become a spoken word artist without trying? How do I remain a voice over artist? Can you even claim to be a voice over artist without visiting the studio? How do I become a talkshow host? Can you even be called a host without a show? And then of course, comes the perennial paranoid knee-high reaction familiar to many "Is this only happening to me because I can do so many things? Is this the price of being a multi-potentialite?"

So, once again, I am suffering from an artistic identity crisis. I do not know how I feel about inadvertently becoming AMAKAMEDIA NETWORK mostly because I am inconsistent on how I express my art in general.

I am seeking my identity from the One who formed my inner parts and knit me together in my mother's womb . . . brb.

I’d love to hear from you. Have you had the experience of not being able to express your heart the way you’d like to? What did you do? How did you find help?

Love.


Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
Let's connect on Twitter: @Amakamedia
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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