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When God Gives No Gift

Happy Boxing Day! Time to unwrap our gifts and enjoy our blessings. Shall we? :)

Where Is My Gift?

I remember asking a similar question, where is my gift? 

Even the MD acknowledged that I was perfect for the position. The interview went smoothly. And the audition swept everyone off their feet.

It was an awesome, unique opportunity which I believed to be mine, but it completely disappeared.

I could have brought so much to the table. I knew I would have done a fantastic job. I knew God would have used me in a powerful way. I so badly wanted to be used. I so badly wanted to give all I had.

But, I wasn’t chosen. In a sense, I was dumped.

I just needed an opportunity. Why not me, Lord?

I just needed someone to believe in me. Lord, why can’t you make a way for me?

Am I not good enough for your blessings?

And again, God took away what was mine. I threw a tantrum of my own and wallowed in hurt and disappointment.

I became angry.

I am not sure who I was angry with - whether God, the devil or myself.

Despite the fact that I gave a testimony in the presence of other brethren at my local church on how I found favour in the sight of the interviewers (and judges), I lost it.

The moment of receiving the gift - lost.
The sweetness of the moment - handed to someone else.

LISTEN TO: Was Almost there

I started to cry, pray, think. 

Sinful, sinful, sinful thoughts rushed in, like:
“I could have done this better. I would have been different.”
“I will become great one day and they will say, ‘We made a mistake, we should have given her the chance.'”
God loves reaching out to the darkness in our hearts - the yards of fabric that hide His show and cover His glow.

He opens our eyes. He shines on our darkness. He redirects our focus and set our eyes on Him. He takes the centre stage. He is the director, so we don’t miss it. So we don’t miss the mark.

Then we begin to see what is inside our hearts.

Then God said to my open, teary and needy self:

“(Amaka), are you saying,
‘I will ascend to the heavens;
I will raise my throne
above the stars of God;
I will sit enthroned on my mount . . .,
on the utmost heights . . .
I will ascend above the tops of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High?'” 
(Isaiah 14:12-14)

Is that what you are saying, sweetheart? 

Because these words sound sadly familiar.
Words like:
“They will see my blessings.”
“They will see my glory.”
“They should have chosen me.”
“I will become great.”
“One day I will show them.”
My heart was shocked. My eyes were open and I cried.

This time, I wasn't crying about what was taken away from me. I was crying at the piercing of His truth that was laid flat out in front of me.

Now, my eyes and heart is open to the workings of patience and humility. So glad. So grateful.

Perhaps my greatest gift can be found more in what I didn’t get, than in what I did.

For, what I didn’t get forged lessons and a heart surgery that will last to eternity. What I could have got would have destroyed me in a moment.

God is always giving us His best. Don’t let the devil fool you.

Even when it seems like you are not getting the blessings, God is working on you and getting you prepared for WHAT'S NEXT

He may not give you those things you want today, this week or this year because He is preparing your heart. You might not be able to handle it just yet.

READ: What You Should Know About Your Struggle

The blessing may be better for someone else.

My heart needed to learn a lesson in humility and patience, so I can move forward with stability and peace.

When we are forced to step/slow down, God steps/quicken us up to teach our hearts deeper love and grace.

God doesn’t want us to go after opportunities, He wants us to earnestly seek Him – the King.

He wants us to become a shadow image of Christ. Really, that should be our utmost desire.

When it seems like God has taken away, the truth is – He has always given.

Happy Boxing Day!

Look again, what's in your box?

Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu 
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Heart Rays . . . giving out  the light.
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