Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Dear Diary, I've Been Married For 10 Months! (My Lessons)

My heart is filled with gratitude to God.  Today, October 15 marks ten months of being married. As in, I've been married for one, two, three,. . .,ten months now! Whaaaat!!!

10 Months In Marriage


I got married during one of my favourite times of the year — December. Preferably, Christmas. And my husband and I are in the beginning stages of learning how to live in one flesh.

We don’t pretend to have everything figured out, but to be quite honest, I blush whenever someone ask, "Amaka, how is married life?"

It's been a constant learning experience for me. Marriage is as much a journey of self-discovery as it's as a journey of two people navigating life together. It is also a journey of discovering God's love. My, my!

Every marriage is obviously unique, but I wanted to give you a peek into some things I’m personally learning in this 10 months of marriage.

I'm learning to honour little moments
Little things make big things happen.

A happy marriage is made in the little moments and decisions. It’s those simple, small and often silly, gestures that keep you continuously attracted to your partner. For instance, it's remembering that my husband likes to be hugged when he gets back from work and that I like to have the door to the bathroom closed.

I'm learning that the little things make the most impact. Laughing together. Playing together. Taking baths together. Dressing up together. Shopping together. Eating together. Sleeping together. Cooking together. These little moments sum up to an enjoyable marriage. It’s continually pleasing each other. And more importantly, continually pleasing God.

Happy bride ☺

I'm learning to talk about everything
Communication is key.

I’ve always been pretty good at verbal communication. When I was dating someone, I wanted to talk through everything. How else can you work it out? I don’t understand trying to have a relationship without ever talking.

But in the earlier weeks of our marriage, I'd sulk and ignore my husband when I was not happy about something he had done or said. I'd want him to literally beg and pamper me (that was childish). But I’ve learned that it’s so much better to talk it out, even if it ends up being a difficult conversation. That way, difficult feelings can be addressed before they have time to fester.

If you sulk and don't talk to your spouse for days because you are angry or unhappy, you will miss your moments. And when you eventually settle on the issue, those moments can never be regained. The earlier you talk about it, the better!

It's also important for partners to listen to each other with love. Hear each other's outbursts without immediately firing back or engaging in blame. And the one who's said or done something thoughtless needs to make amends later. Saying, "I made that comment out of anger. I didn't really mean it," goes a long way toward strengthening the marriage.

Related Post: The Way He Looks At Me

I'm learning to keep no secrets
Give no room for suspicion.

I tell my husband everything and he tells me everything. There are no secrets between us. . .and why should there be? It’s only been 10 months, but it’s obvious to me that honest and transparent lifestyle can save you from a ton of stress and heartache. 

This was clearly my goal for all my relationships, but I don’t think I realized the full extent of this rule. I wanted to tell them everything. I wanted them to know and understand every part of me and vice versa — and together we could help each other understand the parts of ourselves that maybe we don’t even understand.

Glad to learn that a happy marriage is one that is built in total openness and honesty.


*The only secret between us is how we plan to outdo each other in pulling up romantic suprises.


I'm learning my husband
Study your spouse.

I thought I knew a lot about Kachi before we got married, but I’m learning that there are always new things to learn and discover about him! And we’re constantly walking through new experiences together, which means we have things to learn, and ways to continually grow. It makes marriage exciting!

Related Post: I'm One Month Married!

I am learning to never let another day go by without us praying together
Pray together every day.

In the earlier weeks of our marriage, I foolishly skipped a day(s) of holding hands and praying with my husband because I wanted him to know I was not happy with him. Never ever ever again! I've learned that prayer is another way of encouraging each other to become who God has called us to be.

God has ordered our lives in such a way that we came together exactly when we were supposed to. Even in the midst of difficulties, we both feel so divinely led on the path that we are taking as a couple. I can’t even explain it. I can’t even.

I'm learning to stay true to my own marriage
Have a customized vision for your marriage.

The most important thing I am learning is that my marriage is nothing like anyone else’s. What works for someone else may not work for me. There is no room for comparison.

I wanted to make this "10 personal lessons in 10 months", but I couldn't write past these points. If you have some personal lessons too, please share in the comment box below. Thank you.

Ten months isn't such a long time, I know there are many more personal lessons ahead for me. That's what marriage is: a learning process.

Wedded in church, December 15, 2018

This guy—I was head over heels with in 2007, and we didn't know we had such a depth of love for each other. We are so in love now than we have ever been. It can only become sweeter!

Related Post: Life After Honeymoon

Marriage is the most wonderful adventure you can take if you do it right. I tell you!

Cheers to 10 months of being Mr. and Mrs Onyekachi! And here’s to 100 and 1000 more. Till death do us part. Amen.

P.s Read my book 'He Wasn't My Husband' yet? Please send your reviews to hewasntmyhusband@gmail.com. Thank you so much.

If you have been married, what's the #1 thing you would tell the newly married?


Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi
Let's connect on Twitter: @Amakamedia
Let's connect on Instagram: @amakamedia
And Bloglovin: Amakamedia

Heart Rays . . . giving light.

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